


The President's Daughter

by starseternalnighttriumphant



Category: Throne of Glass Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-26
Updated: 2020-05-13
Packaged: 2020-10-09 03:37:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 24,578
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20483258
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starseternalnighttriumphant/pseuds/starseternalnighttriumphant
Summary: Desperately in love with his young charge, twenty six year old Rowan Whitethorn knows there are boundaries he can't cross. But when danger looms and an attack drives first daughter Aelin Galathynius into hiding, Rowan will have to put his will to the test as boundaries blur and Aelin pushes him to his limits.





	1. Chapter 1

“I have eyes on the Princess.”

Aelin rolled her eyes as she heard a familiar voice behind her. She didn’t look back to the blonde, curly-haired man as she continued striding down the marbled hallway. She could hear his steps behind her, close behind but not too close to be in her personal space. Another eye roll.

“She’s heading for the office.”

“Must you report my every move, Fenrys?” she drawled as she walked down the steps.

“The Princess is annoyed with me.”

She huffed a laugh, shaking her head as she turned a corner and came up to the doors that led to her father’s study. Two men stood on either side of the doors, large and imposing. The one on the right was tan skinned with shoulder length black hair, his dark eyes missing nothing as she rounded the corner. The other one was Fenrys’s twin, the dark side of his coin. The spitting image of his brother, except his hair was the color of midnight. 

She nodded to the two men of her protection detail and pushed the doors open and walked into the spacious room, taking in the huge window that overlooked the grounds, the wall to wall bookshelves, and her father sitting behind a dark oak desk, scribbling at some papers.

She plopped herself into a chair in front of his desk, waiting patiently until her father was done getting his thoughts down on paper. He finally put his pen down and took off his glasses, rubbing his eyes before he looked to his only daughter.

“How are you, Fireheart?” Rhoe Galathynius asked her, leaning back in his chair.

She smiled at him. “I’m good, Dad. How are you?”

“I’ll be fine after I get done with all these proposals. Who knew the senators have so much legislation they wanna get passed before elections?”

“Of course they do. I’m sure Senator Darrow is just itching to have his way. If I had mine, he’d be replaced,” Aelin scoffed, crossing her legs.

Her father snorted, resting his elbows on his desk. “Me and you both.”

“Is that what you wanted to talk about?” she asked curiously.

“No, it’s not,” he sighed. He shuffled some papers around. “I’m adding someone to your protection detail. He’s going to be your personal bodyguard.”

She tensed up, ready to fight but he held a hand up. She clenched her jaw, and he went on.

“Because the elections are coming up, security needs to be heightened. Other political officials are receiving threats. The president of Adarlan received one this morning.”

She rolled her eyes. Of course he did. The man wasn’t exactly favorable. But she didn’t know what this had to do with her.

“I already have the Cadre. I don’t need a bodyguard,” she argued.

“Fenrys and Lorcan were actually the ones that suggested to add another person to the detail. They’d feel better about you being safe if he’s your bodyguard. And I agree with them,” Rhoe explained, his tone of voice leaving no room for compromise. 

She groaned. “I don’t need a bodyguard Dad!”

“I’ve already made up my mind,” he said simply.

“Who is it, then?” she asked, throwing her hands up.

Before he could answer, footsteps sounded. Her father nodded to whoever came in and Aelin got up, turning around. 

And froze dead in her tracks.

Her father had to be fucking kidding.

There was no way in hell this was going to be her new reality.

Rowan Whitethorn stopped feet away from her, dressed in his secret service uniform, hands behind his back. 

She hadn’t seen him in almost three years. He had been a key member of the Cadre, part of the detail that protected her, before he had been required to deploy to The Wastes. She’d been glad for it, had rejoiced when hardass Rowan Whitethorn had left. They had butted heads, had annoyed each other to no end, and she was glad to see him go.

She was not glad to see him back. Three years away had made him more infuriatingly handsome, his silver hair cropped, his jawline more defined, his pine green eyes giving away nothing as he watched her with an emotionless expression. He looked larger, as if he’d been doing nothing but build muscle while he was deployed.

Now he was her personal bodyguard. 

“Rowan’s deployment ended last week and I gladly accepted him back to your protection detail. It was good timing, really,” her dad was saying. “With the increase of threats, I really wanted a personal bodyguard for you and who better than someone who was in the Cadre already?”

Aelin barely heard him as she stared Rowan down. She’d been sixteen the last time she’d seen him, and now that she was freshly eighteen, he was a sight to behold. He was almost eight years her senior, already a hardened Marine.

And he was about to make her life hell.

  
  



	2. Chapter 2

Aelin was stomping through the manor, her detail trailing behind her warily. She’d come out of her father’s office, fire in her eyes, her body language conveying that she was looking for a fight. She’d glared at Lorcan, livid, and then had turned her gaze to Fenrys, who flinched. She blew past them, Rowan trailing behind her, his eyebrows raised at Fenrys in question. The blonde just shook his head and nodded for him to continue to follow the president’s daughter wherever she was going. 

She was up the stairs and slamming her bedroom door just as Rowan came up the stairs. She locked it behind her, threw herself on the bed, and screamed into her pillow. 

How dare her father think Rowan would be a good idea for her bodyguard. How dare Lorcan and Fenrys suggest she needed one. How dare Rowan have the nerve to show up after three years and think he could just come back into her protection detail. 

She rolled over onto her back, staring up at her ceiling. She needed out of this house before she did something stupid. 

She grabbed her phone, dialing a number she knew by heart. The person on the other end picked up, delivering a smooth line that had her rolling her eyes.

“Meet me in the fortress in half an hour,” she said into the phone and then hung up. 

She sat up and eyed her locked door before going to her balcony, opening up the French doors. She looked around, making sure a detail wasn’t patrolling the grounds before grabbing the trellis next to her balcony and scaling down it.

-

Aelin collapsed on top of him, panting as she came down from her orgasm. She laid her head on his chest, listening to his pounding heart as he ran fingers up and down her spine.

“You must be in some mood today,” Dorian Havilliard commented in an amused tone.

She raised her head, scowling at him. “Can we not talk about it?”

He rolled them over, pulling out of her and planting a deep kiss on her lips before climbing off her and getting dressed. She propped her head up on her hand as she watched him.

“I’m always happy to tangle in the sheets with you Miss Galathynius, but you gotta actually talk about what’s bothering you sometimes,” he told her, coming back to lay beside her on the mass of blankets.

She groaned and pulled her clothes on, looking out the window of the huge treehouse to see if anyone would be coming to find her. No one was in sight, but she knew it wouldn’t stay that way for too much longer. She sighed, turning to lay back down next to the man who was probably her closest friend and ally. 

“Rowan is back,” she muttered, staring at the lofted ceiling. 

Dorian let out a laugh from beside her and she pinched his side. 

“It’s not funny!” She glared at him.

He smirked at her, rolling on his side to face her. “You gotta let shit go, Aelin.”

“This is your father’s fault you know,” she griped, sitting up. “If he would be a little nicer, people wouldn’t send him death threats, and then my dad wouldn’t feel the need to make my life hell by placing Rowan as my personal bodyguard.”

He laughed again. “Hold on, Agent Whitethorn is your bodyguard? Oh this is rich. This is divine justice. This is—”

She shoved him once, twice, laughter erupting out of him.

“It’s. Not.  _ Funny _ !”

He batted her hands away, sitting up so they were eye level. The smirk never left his face. 

“Love, I don’t know what to tell you. You’re a big girl now, I think you can handle it.”

She almost hissed at him. “You’re the worst best friend.”

He shook his head and got up, grabbing his jacket and shrugging it on. “I’m your only best friend, princess.”

He reached a hand down to help her up and she took it, smacking him on the arm as she let go. He shoved her playfully before heading down the ladder, her following close behind. They landed on the ground and he wrapped his arms around her in a comforting hug. 

“Whatever it is, I’m sure you’ll figure it out. It’s been three years. See if you two can just… start over,” he told her, pulling back to look at her face. “Your father has every right to be worried. After everything that happened…”

Her jaw subconsciously clenched and she nodded, not needing him to go any further. It was something she was still working through. 

He gave her his soft, gentle smile and then ruffled her hair, pulling away. His eyes connected with something over her head and the smile turned to a devious grin. He looked back to her, shaking his head.

“Speak of the Devil.”

Aelin spun to see Rowan less than one hundred feet away, stalking up to her. She almost groaned at the slightly pissed off look at his face and turned back to Dorian quickly.

“You better run before he hurts you,” she whispered to him sarcastically. 

He winked at her and placed a kiss on her cheek before walking in the direction Rowan was coming. She turned to watch him, watched as Dorian passed her bodyguard with a cheerful and polite “Good afternoon Agent Whitethorn,” watched as Rowan just levelled a look at him that would have most people running, watched as his attention turned back to her in full force.

He stopped in front of her, less than a foot away, face unreadable as he looked at her. She stared back, arms crossed over her chest, waiting.

“Dorian Havilliard? Really?” he finally asked, his tone flat.

She scoffed. “Yes really, not that it’s any of your business. Why do you care?”

“Why do you even see anything in him?”

“He has a nice dick. Oh don’t look at me like that, you’re the one who asked!”

The look he gave Dorian, he gave her as he pointed his finger back towards the manor. “Go inside. Now.”

“Are you jealous?” she cooed, cocking her head. “I’m not the little 16 year old girl you left behind, you know.”

His eyes drifted over her, assessing her with an indifferent gaze before his eyes met hers again. “No. You’re not. Now get inside.”

“Make me, Captain. Make my day,” she purred back to him.

“Aelin, if you don’t get back inside, I will throw you over my shoulder.”

“You wouldn’t,” she scoffed, but took a step back.

He just rose an eyebrow and then was tossing her over his shoulder before she knew it, knocking the breath out of her.

“Put me down!” she yelled, pounding on his back as he walked back towards the manor.

“You’re right, you’re not 16 anymore. You’re acting like a fucking five year old.”

She gaped at his backside, wondering if he really said what she thought he just said. 

“Oh I’ll show you a fucking five year old,” she growled, starting to thrash against him to get him to let her go. 

His arm clamped down over her legs, halting her movements, but she still smacked his back, hurling obscenities at him. But he didn’t put her down, even when they got inside the house. 

“Rowan, put me down or I swear to the gods—”

“It’s good to see that you’re taking your job seriously, Captain Whitethorn.”

Aelin’s eyes went wide at the sound of her mother’s voice, the amused tone that colored her words.

“No one told me I’d have to save Aelin from herself,” Rowan joked.  _ Joked _ .

Evalin rounded Rowan to look at her daughter, who gazed at her from her upside-down position. She glared playfully at her mother. The traitor. 

“What were you doing?” Evalin asked, her turquoise eyes, Aelin’s eyes, crinkling with laughter.

“I was just hanging out with Dorian,” Aelin huffed. 

Evalin raised a brow at that. “Mm. Hanging out.”

She shot her mom a real glare this time. “Yes.”

Evalin smirked and looked back to Rowan. “Carry on, Captain.”

Aelin gasped as she watched her mom walk away. Was everyone in this house against her?

Rowan carried her up the stairs and finally set her down on her feet outside the door to her bedroom. She immediately tried to shove him, but it was like trying to move a brick wall. She almost screamed in frustration.

He opened the door for her, and gestured her to go inside. “This time, stay inside the house.”

“I hate you,” she muttered, slinking into her room and slamming the door shut behind her.

She leaned against it, releasing a heavy sigh. Despite what had just happened, Dorian’s words from early rang through her head.  _ See if you two can just… start over _ . She clenched her jaw. Damn him. 

She turned and threw the door back open, surprised to see Rowan still there, standing against the wall outside of her room. His eyes flicked to hers as she stepped out into the hall. 

“I’m sorry,” she told him. “For being a brat.”

She could’ve sworn a smirk flitted across his lips. He turned to her, leaning his shoulder against the wall. 

“I’m just glad to see that three years apart hasn’t changed your fiery spirit, Aelin,” he commented.

An amused smile lifted up the corners of her mouth, almost against her will.

“I’m glad to see that three years apart has made you hotter, Agent Whitethorn,” she purred.

He ran his thumb across his lip, a movement Aelin immediately tracked. He shook his head at her and returned back to his position of standing outside her door.

“Is there anything else, Miss Galathynius?”

She rolled her eyes and scoffed at the change in their conversation. 

“Yeah. Fuck off.”

And with that, she went back into her room, wondering why she even bothered in the first place.

  
  



	3. Chapter 3

A week later, well past midnight, Aelin was woken up by the shrill ringing of the alarm system of the manor and hands on her as they shook her awake. She woke up with a gasp, fighting against the hands that held her before realizing it was Rowan trying to get her attention.

“Aelin we need to get to the safe room,” Rowan told her, his voice strained as he helped her out of bed.

Dazed with sleep, she only nodded as he wrapped an arm around her and led her out of her room. Everything was dark except the bright strobe light of the alarm system, the ringing piercing her eardrums, causing her to wince and press into Rowan harder. She hadn’t heard this sound in a long time, and much less because someone had actually managed to infiltrate the manor’s grounds. 

“What’s going on?” she asked him, almost shouting to his ear over the noise.

“Someone has broken into the house. The Cadre secured your parents and I’m securing you.”

They ran through a series of hallways, and though she knew the way to the safe room like the back of her hand, the darkness coupled with the disorienting lights and noise made it feel like she was in a nightmare. If Rowan’s arm wasn’t around her, she wouldn’t know if this was real life. 

They were about to turn a corner when Rowan swore and yanked her back, pressing her against the wall, chest to chest. Her heart stuttered as his body effectively covered hers and he peeked around the corner. He must’ve seen something. Her fingers dug into his shirt, feeling the bulletproof vest underneath it, which made her breathing come out in shallow pants. This wasn’t a drill, this was real life, there was a threat to her and her parents. She struggled to clamp down on the rising panic swelling up in her chest.

“The intruders are down the hall. I can’t engage them without backup. So let’s hope they walk away from us,” Rowan said into her ear, his eyes never leaving the people he was watching.

His words barely registered in her head, all she could focus on was trying to keep from fainting where she stood. The panic choked her, causing tears to spring into her eyes. Her breathing became even more shallow. Things had been calm for two years, nothing had happened, everything was fine, and now—

“Okay, let’s move,” he ordered, and continued to lead her down the hallway.

Rowan didn’t have room in his mind for fear as he and Aelin neared where the safe room was. He had one goal, to protect her, and he would do it with his last breath if that’s what it took. Seeing the intruders had kickstarted his heart, adrenaline flooding his veins and he couldn’t think about anything besides the young woman pressed against him, her fingers dug so deep into his chest that he could feel it through the kevlar vest. He could see the undulating fear in her eyes, the fact that if she kept hyperventilating she would surely pass out, and therefore he had to be the strong one here.

His hand pressed down on the top of a seemingly ordinary marble pedestal, and a small chirp sounded as Aelin leaned over it and a red light flickered to scan her retina. A slight movement along the wall had a door revealing itself to them and Aelin pressed her thumb on the scanner and entered a digital code that had the door unlocking. He pulled her into the dark corridor and yanked the heavy metal door shut behind them, twisting the handle several times before hearing the door lock and the chirp of the security system alerting them that it was once again secured. 

He grabbed her hand and together they walked down the long hallway to a second door, this time Rowan punching in the code and waiting impatiently as the door hissed open, light flooding their eyes. They stepped into the safe room, a large enough antechamber that could hold the Galathynius family and most of the staff and supplies to wait out a month long attack on the manor if, Gods forbid, the occasion ever arose. 

The Cadre and her parents, along with the rest of the staff were already there, most of them wide-eyed and scared but Aelin’s security detail and her parents grim-faced and calm. Rowan watched as Aelin seemed to deflate with relief upon seeing her parents, and then surprise prickled along his skin as she released a sob and ran into Fenrys’s arms. Surprise that deepened as Fen scooped her up and held her tight, his face buried into her hair as he murmured something soft and barely audible to her. A queasy feeling replaced his surprise as he watched the two interact, Fenrys’s hands on her face wiping away her tears, her hands on his shoulders, tightening into his shirt. He hadn’t been aware that Aelin was close to anyone on her protection detail, and she’d made it clear that it wasn’t going to be Rowan.

Gritting his teeth, he sat next to the door. It was going to be a long night.

-

The next day he’d allowed Fenrys to take over his duties as Aelin’s bodyguard, since Rhoe had asked him and Lorcan to look into who the intruders could be and how they’d gotten in. The pair combed through every inch of the estate, trying to find any entry source. Nothing seemed to be out of place, not a broken lock, not a broken window, nothing was wrong. 

Which meant the intruders had inside help. The pissed off look on Lorcan’s face as Rowan turned to him was enough confirmation. Rowan was about to address him when he saw Fenrys and Aelin walking along the path back up to the manor, her arm wrapped in his. She was grinning up at him as he talked to her. 

“You’re being obvious.”

Rowan’s eyes snapped back to Lorcan, who smirked at him. He scoffed, but his eyes went back to his friend and the girl who wasn’t the same girl he’d watched over almost three years ago. She’d been right when she’d told him she wasn’t the 16 year old girl he’d left. Nearing her 19th birthday, she seemed older. In the way she looked, yes, but more-so in the way she carried herself. The way he noticed her eyes got this faraway look sometimes when she thought no one was looking. The way that sometimes her smiles weren’t genuine but no one around her seemed to realize that. Except for him. 

“It’s not my business,” Rowan muttered as the two blondes went up the stairs and disappeared into the house.

“They’re not together, Whitethorn,” Lorcan snorted. 

Deep down Rowan knew this, but Fenrys was the youngest out of all of them at 22 years old, having spent one tour in The Wastes, a tour he never talked about. He’d taken the protection detail position the second Rhoe Galathynius had offered it to him.

Rowan looked back to his brother in arms. “She doesn’t act that way with the rest of us.”

Lorcan watched the space where they’d disappeared, a memory clouding his features. “Fenrys…” he shook his head. “It’s not my place to tell you. But they’re not together. So don’t be jealous.”

“I’m not…” Rowan started but Lorcan had already started walking back towards the house.

Rowan sighed and followed him back into the manor.

-

Rowan was leaning his head against the wall outside Aelin’s door, having relieved Fenrys hours ago. Aelin had said nothing to him as she went into her room an hour ago, shutting the door behind her. He had wanted to talk to her, had meant to, but she’d passed by him as if she hadn’t seen him and he knew she was in no mood to entertain his thoughts.

He started to pace outside her door, frowning. The last time he’d been here, she’d been a bright, raging, full of wildfire teenage girl. A 16 year old who’d been all laughs and smiles and winks and flirty lines. He’d secretly enjoyed it, it made his job a little less monotonous and he was never bored when he was on her protection detail. It was so easy for him to toss retorts back to her, and seeing her stunning blue eyes light up as they sparred verbally had been his favorite view. 

Of course, it was a line he would never had crossed. Even if he hadn’t lived his life by honor and duty, the fact that she had been 16 and he had been newly 24 was enough reason to never ever cross that line. In fact, he hadn’t realized that Aelin’s feelings for him were genuine until that night a week before he’d left for deployment. He had always figured she was messing around with him, had known he was off limits for many different reasons, including the almost eight year age difference. 

Which was why when she’d kissed him, he’d freaked out and left for deployment early. He never would’ve touched her, there had been so many things wrong with their situation three years ago. But now, when she was a month away from 19, when she had grown up from that fiery 16 year old… 

He sighed and swore at himself. It shouldn’t have been this hard to sort through his feelings. Aelin should and always be off limits to him. He pinched the bridge of his nose, huffing a small laugh at the situation he didn’t find funny at all.

A horrible scream sliced through his thoughts, effectively pulling him out of his head. He was through the door and gun cocked and aimed within seconds, looking around for the threat that had caused Aelin to scream. After a thorough sweep of the room, he found nothing but Aelin twisting and turning in her bed, distressed noises falling from her lips.

“Aelin,” Rowan called, leaning over her. 

A scream escaped her again and it sprung him into action, gripping her arms and shaking her gently as he called out to her over and over again. He pulled her up into a sitting position, her eyes snapping open, landing on him as tears fell down her cheeks.

“Ro-Rowan,” she sobbed, the color of her eyes blurry with the amount of tears in them.

He pulled her closer, hand starting to run up and down her back. His hand had just brushed her skin exposed by her tank top, feeling a rigidness where smooth skin should’ve been when she struggled to get away from him, backing up against her headboard.

“Don’t- don’t touch me please,” she yelled, her tone verging on hysteria. “Please I can’t, don’t come near me.  _ Please _ .”

Her eyes were on him but she wasn’t truly with him, her mind still in whatever nightmare she’d been trying to escape. He slowly reached out to her, grabbing her wrists gently. She flinched, her back hitting the headboard again, small sobs coming out of her mouth. He rubbed his thumbs over the inside of her wrists, seeking to soothe her, to bring her out of whatever hellscape she was in. 

“Look at me Aelin. Listen to my voice,” he murmured to her. “You’re safe, you’re in your room, you’re awake, you’re talking to me. You’re alive. You’re okay.” He paused, and pulled her back to him, resting his forehead against hers, watching as her eyes slowly came back into focus. “Listen to my voice love.”

She blinked, her eyes on his, registering he was here with her, and her face crumpled again as new tears formed. She dug her head into his shoulder, and he wrapped one arm around her to pull her into his lap, his other hand coming up to grip the back of her head, rocking her slowly.

“You’re okay,” he whispered to her over and over again. “You’re here with me. You’re okay.”

Minutes later, the crying stopped and her breathing evened out. She shuddered against him once and then pressed her face into his neck. He felt the wetness of her tears but didn’t mind as she finally succumbed to the exhaustion that tried to claim her. She breathed slow and deep, her body falling limp against him. Slowly and gently, he placed her back into bed on her side, pulling her sheets back around her. 

He watched her for a moment, her face showing no sign of whatever had dragged her from sleep. He was about to turn and leave when she flipped to her other side, her back to him. And he almost fell to his knees at what he saw.

Her tank top had ridden halfway up her back, exposing most of her flesh. Close to her spine, so close, too close, was a deep scar. It followed parallel to her spine, disappearing beneath the tank top and appearing again and stopping right below her right shoulder blade. A thinner, less obvious scar criss-crossed with it, stretching to below her left shoulder. A slightly puckered scar sat above her left hip, the width of it a size he knew all too well. He had a few of those scars on his own body. A knife had made that scar. A knife had made all three of them. 

He wasn’t sure he was breathing as his eyes ran over the scars again, fully taking in just how close Aelin had been to paralyzation, to death. And without a doubt he knew he hadn’t been there when this happened. This never would’ve happened with him watching her. He never would’ve allowed a knife to get that close to her. 

Clenching his jaw so tight he was sure he would crack a tooth, he spun on his heel and stormed out of the room, catching the door and closing it quietly before it could slam.

  
  



	4. Chapter 4

The next day, Rowan was in the training room, taking out all his frustration on one of the dummies. The tough rubber mannequin took hit after hit, and Rowan had managed to send a kick to its chest so hard that it had hit the wall with a loud crack, creating a fissure in the plaster that had just pissed him off even more.

He had spent the rest of his shift outside of Aelin’s door, staring off into space, trying to wrap his brain around what had happened to her. He would’ve seen it on the news if there had been an attack on her family. He may have been in the Wastes but he still had access to television and a phone. He would have at least thought Fenrys or Lorcan would’ve told him.

He sent a few more punches to the dummy before pulling a knife from his belt and sending it right into the chest of it. He stared for a moment, breath heaving, and then groaned at the fact that he had just ruined the doll. That was going to be expensive to replace.

A low chuckle had him spinning around, hand on another knife, ready to throw. Fenrys was standing in the middle of the sparring ring, arms crossed over his chest, a smug smirk on his face. He was dressed in workout clothes, his golden curls sitting on the top of his head. 

“Did a certain blonde rub you the wrong way Whitethorn?” Fenrys asked.

“Not the blonde you’re talking about,” Rowan muttered, taking up a position on the opposite side of the ring, motioning for Fenrys to mirror him.

He did, rolling his shoulders and cracking his knuckles. “You’re mad at little ol’ me?”

Rowan shrugged and launched himself at his friend, fist connecting with his shoulder. “Point.”

The two fought, every so often landing firm blows on the other, working up a sweat until they were panting. Rowan tried to send a punch to Fenrys’s throat but the blonde man blocked him, sweeping Rowan’s legs out from under him. Rowan managed to take Fen with him, tangling his legs with his, both of them slamming to the floor. Fenrys managed to get the upper hand, pulling Rowan into a headlock, effectively immobilizing him.

“What the hell is your problem, Rowan?” Fenrys drawled.

“What the  _ fuck _ happened to Aelin?” Rowan shot back.

Fenrys released a sigh and let his friend go, pushing off of him and sitting on the mat, resting his arms on his knees.

“You saw her back?” Fenrys asked him.

Rowan stayed where he lay on the floor, looking up at the ceiling. “I did. I had to wake her up from a nightmare. So what the fuck happened, Fen?”

Fenrys sighed again, rubbing the back of his neck. “I shouldn’t tell you, but if it stops you from picking a fight with anyone that talks to you, then fine.”

Rowan looked to him. The younger man was looking off at a random spot, eyes unfocused as he pulled up whatever memory plagued not only him, but seemed to plague Lorcan and Aelin too. 

“Almost a year after you left, we were at a campaign rally for her father,” Fenrys started. “It was a big event, a lot of people, and security wasn’t as tight as it should’ve been. Rhoe and Aelin were walking through a crowd, waving, shaking hands, kissing babies, that kind of shit. The Cadre had her, we fucking had her, and then all of a sudden she wasn’t there.” 

Fenrys’s jaw was clenched, his fists balled so tightly his knuckles were white. Rowan bit his tongue, waiting impatiently for his friend to continue. He knew what happened next but he wanted to hear it said out loud.

“There was screaming and panicking and then Aelin screamed. And I… I have never heard a noise like that. Not since…” he shook his head. “Anyways. Some psycho had managed to get her with a knife. Caused the scars on her back. There was… so much blood, Rowan. And the wound along her spine was so deep.”

The blonde man wiped away tears, clearing his throat. “We didn’t know if she was going to be okay. And then a few days later she woke up. And we didn’t know if she was going to be able to walk again. The damage was extensive.” A short laugh. “But she made it through. She did months of physical therapy. She got better. Physically, at least. But since then...” He shook his head. “She laughs and smiles and loves. But you can see that she’s not all there when you look close enough. Dorian’s helped her a lot. He was there that day. Was able to identify who attacked her. But… she won’t ever be the same.”

Rowan stared at a random spot on the mat, tears stinging his eyes. He pinched the bridge of his nose, squeezing his eyes shut. 

He hadn’t been there, had left her, and she’d been attacked. She’d almost died. And he hadn’t been there. 

“I know you look at me and her and try to figure out what’s going on, Whitethorn,” Fenrys continued. “But nothing’s going on. The Cadre helped her all in their own different ways. With me… I was the first one there. The first one that grabbed her that day, the first one she saw when she woke up. I was the only one she didn’t yell at when someone tried to help her with physical therapy. I was there when the nightmares started. No one else knows, not even Dorian, and he’s probably the only other person she shares things with. So no, Whitethorn, nothing’s happening between us.”

“I wasn’t—”

Fenrys just shook his head and smirked at his friend. “Yes, you were. And I think you should talk to her. She wants to let you in, but she doesn’t know how. You’ve also been gone for three years. She’s had all her feelings about you stored away with no resolution. Be patient with her.”

Rowan worried his lip, and then nodded at him. “Okay.”

-

Rowan stood outside Aelin’s door, staring at it as he hesitated to knock.

He had no idea what to say to her. I’m sorry? He knew that wouldn’t cut it, knew it would be paltry compared to the shit she’d been through. Guilt tore at him; guilt for hurting her feelings when she’d kissed him, guilt for leaving on a deployment, guilt for the fact that he had asked to go on deployment just to get away from her and the feelings he was starting to develop for her. That was probably his biggest mistake of all. 

He shook his head and raised his hand to knock when the door flew open, causing him to blink and take a step back. 

Aelin was looking at him with an expressionless face. She was dressed in jeans and a dark green silk tank top, the deep V of it showing off a generous amount of skin. Her hair was lightly curled and her face was lightly covered in makeup. If he had to guess, it looked like she was about to go out somewhere. 

“Can I help you?” she asked him, hand resting against the doorway.

“I-um…” he trailed off, trying not to stare at her. She was so beautiful, confidence oozing from her. “Can we talk?”

Her eyes roved over his face for a second before stepping back into her room, allowing him to come in. She shut the door behind him and went to sit on the edge of her bed, crossing her arms over her chest. Rowan stood a few feet away from her, unsure what to do with his hands, his body, unsure what to say to begin a conversation.

“About last night…”

She sighed. “This is what you wanna talk about? It was nothing, Rowan. It was just a nightmare.”

“We both that’s not true. You don’t have to tell me what it was about but—”

“I’m fine,” she cut him off. “Just a random dream.”

“Fenrys told me what happened, Aelin,” he told her.

She closed her eyes and muttered, “That fucker”, under her breath before standing up.

“It’s none of your business. Please leave, Rowan. I’m about to go out,” she said between clenched teeth.

He wanted to scream. “Talk to me, damn it.”

“I fucking tried!” she exploded, hands thrown up in the air in frustration. “I wrote to you so many times, I asked you so many times to call me and you didn’t call. You couldn’t even send a letter back to me. So, message fucking received Rowan.”

He took a step back. He knew what she was talking about, of course. She’d written him many times, starting a month after he’d left on deployment. Once a month, a letter came, asking him to call her. He’d ignored her request every time, thinking it wasn’t smart to have any contact with her. Just over a year into his deployment, he’d gotten a letter saying: “I just want to talk to you. I need to talk to you. I know you know my number so please just call me. It’s important.” And he’d ignored it once again. And that had been the last letter he’d received from her.

“Aelin, I didn’t… no one told me. I didn’t know.” He shook his head. “I’m so sorry.”

“It’s done and over with, Rowan. It doesn’t matter anymore. Now, if you’ll excuse me,” she brushed him off, gesturing to the door. 

“Why are you pushing me away?” he asked, not moving from his position.

She exploded.

“Because you were supposed to fucking be there! Even Fenrys says that it never would’ve happened if you’d been the one protecting me and YOU. WEREN’T. THERE.” Her voice cracked on the last word, tears already dripping down her face.

Her words hit him harder than if Fenrys had punched him in the stomach. They knocked the breath out of him. 

“Aelin, I—”

“No, you don’t get to speak, Rowan! You get to shut up and listen to me,” she yelled at him, stepping towards him to dig a finger into his chest accusingly. “I know you pushed for a deployment. I had Lorcan look into it. I thought you wouldn’t be the one to run away from your problems. To run away from  _ me _ .”

“Aelin, we were heading down a road that would not have ended well. You were 16 years old for gods’ sake!”

“I’m not even talking about that anymore! I could’ve handled you ignoring me, keeping your distance from me. What I couldn’t handle was you leaving. You were my personal bodyguard, Rowan.” She furiously wiped at her tears and then crossed her arms over her chest. “You were supposed to be the one person that had my back.”

“I’m so sorry,” he whispered. “I messed up. I’m sorry.”

She gestured vaguely towards her backside. “This, what happened to me, never would’ve happened if you hadn’t left. I wouldn’t have nightmares, I wouldn’t have to fuck my best friend because sometimes that’s the only way I can actually  _ feel _ something. I wouldn’t worry my parents, I wouldn’t worry the Cadre. But the minute things get rough, you turn tail and run the other way. And it’s all. your. fault.” 

And with that, she pushed past him and was out the door, calling for Lorcan to drive her downtown.

-

Rowan had just finished his patrol around the whole manor when the door to the estate banged open, Lorcan storming in with a body thrown over his shoulder. A body Rowan knew all too well.

“Put me the fuck down!” Aelin hissed, pounding at his back.

He dumped her unceremoniously on the floor, ignoring her cries of annoyance as he stomped past Rowan, barking a short “Take care of her” before continuing up the stairs. Eyebrows furrowed, he turned to where Aelin was getting off the ground, frowning and rubbing her ass. She sighed and finally noticed Rowan was there. She grinned goofily at him.

“Hello Captain Whitethorn,” she slurred and he almost groaned.

She was drunk. 

“What did you do?” he asked her.

“Nothing!” she answered, indignant. When he just raised a brow at her, she sighed. “I threw up all over Lorcan.”

Rowan’s lips twitched, huffing a laugh, but he just shook his head. “Alright, drunky. Let’s get you to bed.”

She grinned at him and took a step forward, but stumbled and if Rowan’s arms hadn’t been there, she would’ve fell face forward onto the marble floor. She giggled and he sighed as he hefted her into his arms, carrying her upstairs. She drunkenly told him about her night, about how she’d gone out to the club with Dorian and danced and danced and danced.

“How did you get drunk?” he demanded as he pushed open her door.

“No one says no to Aelin Galathynius, pride and joy of Terrasen,” she said dramatically, flinging her arms around, almost smacking Rowan in the face. 

“Gods,” he muttered under his breath, setting her on her bed. 

She looked up at him, beautiful blue eyes bloodshot and glassy, but it was almost like her gaze was sober as she stared at him.

“What?” he asked gently.

“I didn’t mean it,” she murmured.

He frowned. “Mean what?”

“That it was your fault,” she sighed, falling back on the bed, her legs dangling over the edge. “It’s not your fault.”

“No. You were right. I should’ve been there,” he told her.

He blinked in surprise as she started to undress herself, trying to pull off her jacket but groaned and gave up as her fingers fumbled for purchase. He sighed and helped her up, shrugging her jacket off of her. He told her to sit and wait while he rummaged through her drawers, pulling out an oversized shirt. It was slightly worn, a deep green color with the word “MARINES” across the chest in bold, white letters. His shirt. She had his shirt and slept in it.

His jaw clenched and unclenched before turning back to her, hand immediately flying to cover his eyes when he saw she’d taken her shirt off.

“Gods Aelin, at least give me some warning,” he griped, fumbling his way back to her as he averted his eyes and helped her into the shirt.

“You were taking too long,” she scoffed, falling back down on the bed.

Her eyes fluttered shut but popped back open when he tugged on her pants, bringing them down her legs and pulling them off. His hands glided over her smooth skin, and he tried to ignore the slight buzz that ran through him when he had his hands on her.

“Captain, I’m too drunk to take advantage of right now,” she giggled at him and a small chuckle escaped his mouth.

“I’m just getting you ready for bed,” he told her as he lifted her up, pulled back her sheets and placed her back down, bringing the sheets up to her shoulders.

She caught his eyes and held them for a moment before shutting her own. “It wasn’t your fault.”

He worried his bottom lip. “It sure feels like it.” 

Her eyes opened again, and she frowned at him. “You’ve never let me down, Rowan.”

His jaw clenched, blinking away the stinging of tears in his eyes. 

“I’ll do my best to feel worthy of that. I’ll never let anything happen to you again,” he swore to her.

She smiled, her eyes closing again. She didn’t answer, her breathing evening out and he ran a finger down her cheek softly before turning away. He looked back in surprise when her fingers wrapped around his wrist. She was blinking dazedly at him, and she looked so beautiful it hurt his heart. 

“Can you stay? Just until I fall asleep.”

He pursed his lips. “I don’t think that’s a good idea, love.”

“Please,” she sighed, tugging on his wrist. “Just for a little.”

He closed his eyes for a moment, fighting internally with himself before muttering a curse and coming to the other side of her bed, sitting against the headboard, on top of the sheets. Boundaries. They needed boundaries.  _ He _ needed boundaries. 

She turned to face him, giving him a small smile, a smile he knew she used to get out of trouble, a smile no one could turn down. He just shook his head, a corner of his mouth tugging up.

“Go to sleep,” he told her softly. 

“So bossy,” she muttered, but her eyes closed any way.

He watched her sleep, her blonde hair spread everywhere, her full mouth parted slightly as she finally fell into a deep sleep. He watched her until his own eyes closed. 

-

Aelin woke up hours later, her head pounding slightly, eyes trying to adjust against the dim glow of her bedside lamp. Her eyes landed on the sleeping figure beside her, laying on top of the sheets with an arm thrown over his eyes, snoring quietly. 

A smile flitted across her face and she scooted closer to him, head resting against his shoulder as she curled into him to steal his body heat. Within seconds, her eyelids were drooping heavily, and she slipped back into a deep sleep.

But not before she had the thought that this was the most peaceful night of sleep she’d had since he’d left. 

  
  



	5. Chapter 5

Aelin woke up to a steady electronic beeping. Still half asleep and frowning, she rubbed her eyes and threw her arm out to fumble for her alarm clock.

Then she realized she didn’t have an alarm clock.

And her arm brushed across a broad chest.

She sat up quickly, eyes wide open as she looked to who lay beside her. Rowan was on his back, his face turned towards her but still blissfully asleep. His silvery hair was all messed up, and he looked so content and stress free that she didn’t have the heart to wake him up and tell him the alarm on his watch was going off. She leaned over him and grabbed his wrist gently, fumbling with the buttons to figure out how to turn the stupid thing off. She finally hit the right button and huffed an annoyed sigh. She pulled back to see Rowan looking up at her with an amused smirk on his face.

Her heart stuttered, and she just stared at him for a moment before murmuring, “Good morning.”

“Good morning to you too,” he said back and the words kickstarted her, pushing her off and away from him, slipping out of bed.

“You should probably head out before anyone notices you were in here,” she told him in a tight voice, absentmindedly digging through her dresser to find clothes.

“Aelin–”

“Just go, Rowan,” she sighed. “You’ll get fired if someone catches you in here.”

She kept her back to him as she heard him leave, the door closing a little too loudly. She flinched and then resumed her hunt for clothes, pulling out an ensemble and locking herself in the bathroom. Stepping into the shower, she lost herself amidst the steam and hot water pounding on her back. 

Despite being drunk out of her mind last night, she remembered every exchange of words between her and Rowan. Something she wished she could forget because she had been unnervingly close to baring her soul to him. Drunk Aelin was not her friend. 

_ It wasn’t your fault. You’ve never let me down. _

Despite wanting to be mad, despite  _ being  _ mad for three years that he had left her, she knew the words she spoke last night were true. Never once had he let her down. She knew deep down that whatever he did, it was in her best interest. Maybe his actions weren’t right, but if he thought they were right, if he thought he was doing it because it was what was best for her, then she couldn’t really blame him for it. Even though he should’ve known leaving her would’ve been the worst decision for both him and her. 

But it still didn’t stop her from asking “what if?”. She couldn’t shake the resolution that if Rowan had been there that day, it wouldn’t have happened the way it did. He would’ve been at her back, just like he had always been when he’d been part of her protection detail before leaving. He had been known for his airtight protocol when it came to moving her in public. He would plan for days how to move her, who would be where, what the positions of extra security would look like. He had taken her safety  _ very _ seriously.

That was not to disregard that the rest of the Cadre took her safety very seriously. Lorcan had done the same thing, but had left her open for an extended period of time to greet citizens with her father. A move that Rowan never would’ve pulled, unless he had been right at her side to intervene if need be. But Lorcan had thought the event was small enough not to warrant someone right on her tail. And then everything had gone to shit.

Her mind suddenly went blank, as it so often did when she tried to actively think about what happened that day. She didn’t remember much, and countless therapists had said she probably would never remember what happened after she’d been attacked, because the trauma had been too great. There she was, shaking the hand of a woman, a smile on her face, and then there was a disturbance in the crowd, she heard Fenrys yell for backup, and then she’d been caught up in a gaggle of people. And then the pain had started.

Her eyes flew open, a gasp ripping the breath out of her lungs and she stumbled forward, catching herself on the slick tile wall. She put a hand to her head, breathing heavily, trying to reorient herself. She was here. She was alive. She would not be afraid.

She shut the water off, stepping out of the shower and splashing cold water on her face from the sink. She stared at her reflection in the mirror, saw the dark circles under her eyes despite getting a full night’s sleep, rare as it was. 

She sighed and turned away from the shell of a person that had stared back at her.

-

Aelin flicked through dresses at an upscale boutique at the local mall, her face set in a mask of determination as she hunted. 

Lorcan and Connall stood outside the store front, looking like they were two men waiting for their girlfriends to get done shopping. Fenrys was in a chair near the dressing room, head tilted back, “resting his eyes” he’d said. And Rowan was standing a few feet from her, arms across his chest, looking bored out of his mind.

“Remind me why we need to be here,” he drawled, watching as she huffed a sigh of annoyance.

“Because, Captain, my birthday is next week and we are throwing a party. A ball, as it is. So I need a new dress because I cannot have anyone else showing me up at my own birthday party,” she grumbled, groaning when she reached the end of the rack and didn’t find a single dress that was calling her name. 

“Why don’t you wear something you already have?” 

She whirled around to face him, an incredulous look on her face. 

“Wear something I already have?” she repeated, dramatic horror in her voice. “That’s social suicide. I’ll never be able to live it down.”

He just rolled his eyes at her and went to wake up Fenrys, who startled and swore he was awake despite the fact that she had heard him snoring not ten seconds ago. She turned back to the dresses and glared at them before sighing, peeking over the rack to see if she’d missed any other swaths of fabric.

Her eyes met with a young woman, plain and nondescript had she not quickly looked down when their eyes met. Frowning, Aelin watched her for a second. She glared at the woman when she saw that she’d brought up her phone, the camera clearly pointed towards Aelin. She turned her back and hurried to where Rowan and Fenrys were halfheartedly arguing. 

“Let’s get out of here,” she muttered, on edge. 

Rowan nodded and he followed her out of the store. Lorcan and Connall came to her side and they headed towards the exit, walking through the food court. They had just gotten into the middle of the massive open area when she spotted a couple of people coming their way, large cameras in their hands. 

Fuck. That woman had alerted the paparazzi. 

“Rowan,” Aelin muttered, voice tense. “Rowan, paparazzi are heading our way.”

His eyes shot to the three men coming from the left, and then saw a few more others coming from the right. They were about to be sandwiched between loud, annoying, camera-wielding paparazzi that wouldn’t let her leave until they had managed to get some juicy and embarrassing gossip out of her. 

“Protective circle,  _ now _ ,” Rowan ordered the Cadre, who all tightened in around her, Lorcan and Connall at her sides, Fenrys in front, Rowan at her back. Like he always was. 

“Aelin! Aelin Galathynius!”

She almost swore, struggling to keep her face neutral as the paparazzi swarmed them, cameras flashing, shouts echoing in the food court as they pushed into her bodyguards who were trying to make sure no one touched her as they moved. 

“Miss Galathynius, people reported to see you at a nightclub last night with Adarlan’s first son, Dorian Havilliard!”

“Aelin, are you dating Dorian Havilliard?”

“Is it true that you had to be escorted to a detox center last night?”

“Are you dealing with an alcohol addiction?”

“Is Dorian Havilliard your boyfriend?”

Holy fucking gods. Aelin clenched her jaw, twisting her hand into the back of Fenrys’s shirt, trying her best to keep her mouth shut as accusing questions were thrown at her like spears. 

“Miss Galathynius is not commenting on anything,” Fenrys said in an ice cold voice, shoving a paparazzi out of the way. 

She could see the exit, less than fifty feet away, but it seemed like it took years to get there as the men and women kept harassing her with the same questions, trying to get an answer out of her. After all these years she thought she was used to the cameras, the questions, the rumors that would be spread despite her not answering any questions that weren’t for an official interview.

But right now, in this moment, it was too much. Her skin crawled, and she felt uncomfortable, as if a thousand pairs of eyes were watching her every move. She felt suffocated, air seeming to be nowhere as she struggled to breathe. Her eyes were trained on the back of Fenrys’s head, but she saw nothing except a scene from almost three years ago. A similar scene in which she had been squeezed in on all sides, and then-

She felt an arm come around her shoulders, startling her out of the rising panic that had just about crashed over her. She looked up to see Rowan at her side, having switched places with Lorcan. He had her pulled tight against him, his tall and broad form hiding most of her away from the cameras. She burrowed into his side, pressing her face to his chest as they finally broke free of the paparazzi, rushing her through the doors and into the blacked out vehicle that was waiting for them. 

-

A week later, Aelin was in her sweatpants, ordering people around as they set up for the party tonight. 

She watched as the ballroom in the mansion was slowly coming together, shimmering gold decorations everywhere, tables covered in silk tablecloths, the small stage set up with instruments and a DJ table for when it would be time to dance. 

She glanced at her watch to see that she had just a few hours to get ready. Frowning, she looked back up to watch the workers move about. 

“Go get ready, Fireheart. I can take it from here,” came her mother’s voice from behind her. 

She turned and grinned at Evalin, kissing her on the cheek before skipping up the stairs to get ready on her own. Blasting music and pulling everything she would need out, she got to work.

Exactly ten minutes before the party was supposed to start, and notified that all the guests had arrived, Aelin was staring at herself in her full-length mirror, head cocked and she smoothed her hands over her dress.

Rowan, damn him, had been right in saying she should wear something she’d already had. Truth be told, she had forgotten that she had this dress. A dress she’d bought years ago but had not really grown into yet. And so it had hung in the back of her closet, unworn. 

But now, a week from nineteen years old, the dress fit her like it had been made for her and only her. The black velvet clung to every curve of hers, borderline immodest despite the dress covering her from her shoulders down to her feet. A slit ran dangerously up her right leg, ending at midthigh. Glancing at the front, it looked like a sleek, sophisticated, sexy black dress. 

But when she turned to look at her backside… that was the real gem of the dress. A sparkling golden dragon ran from the middle of her back down to the trail of the dress, its mouth agape at her back as if she had been coming out of the dragon itself. It glimmered red and gold and fiery orange in different lighting. A living flame. 

Her makeup was done lightly but dramatically, lips painted red and lashes long and thick. Her hair was pulled half up with a golden, winged clip, and she looked like a queen ready to stand in front of her enemies and have them drop dead just at the sight of her.

She loved it.

A knock at her door sounded and she quickly slid on black heels, smoothing her hands over her bodice one last time before heading for the door. She pulled it open to see Fenrys standing there, a grin on his face. He was dressed in a simple white shirt and black tux, but she knew there was a bulletproof vest under it all, knew there were more weapons on his body than what was probably necessary.

“You look absolutely stunning, Miss Galathynius,” he drawled as she closed the door behind her, taking his arm. “A goddess come to life.”

She rolled her eyes playfully, nudging him as he escorted her to the ballroom. “You don’t look so bad yourself, mister.”

He winked at her and they remained silent as they neared the ballroom doors. Two extra security guards saw them and opened the doors, slowly and with flourish, just how she wanted her entrance to be. Fenrys let her go and she stepped through the doors and into the room that had been buzzing with excitement and conversation. 

Almost all conversation ceased as all eyes in the room turned to her, the hostess of the party. Murmurs broke out as she continued to walk through the room towards the stage, people finally getting a look at the back of her dress. She struggled to keep a smug smile off her face as she ascended the steps of the stage, seeing the smiles of her parents before grabbing the microphone from her father and turning to her guests. 

“I want to thank you all for coming tonight to this party thrown in my honor,” she said cordially, a polite smile on her face. “Please, enjoy your night, and don’t party too hard.” With a dramatic wink, she gestured to the small orchestra set up and music started up, jolting people back into conversation and movement.

Dorian was waiting for her at the bottom of the steps, looking handsome in a black tux, the deep blue of his shirt matching his sapphire eyes. His eyes crinkled as he smiled at her, extending his hand. She took it and he whisked her away across the dance floor, guiding her in a modern waltz. 

“How are you doing?” he asked her as he twirled her around. 

“I’m fine. Took your advice and ended up making an ass out of myself so  _ thank you _ for that,” she sniffed, a small smile flitting across her lips.

“Talking to Whitethorn did you no good?” he asked, smirking. 

She huffed a laugh. “You could say that.”

He laughed as they flowed through the steps of the dance easily. Her eyes wandered around the room, looking for a certain bodyguard. She frowned when she didn’t see him anywhere, but she knew he was here. 

“How on earth could you be looking for someone else when you have me right here in your arms?”

She focused back on her friend, smiling at him apologetically. “Sorry.”

He just shook his head at her, kissing her forehead. “You have it so bad, Aelin Galathynius.”

The dance ended moments later and Dorian bowed dramatically to her, causing her to laugh as she curtsied to him. 

“Can I have this next dance?”

She spun around, smile still on her face as she took in Rowan. He was dressed similarly to Fenrys, yet he somehow managed to make it look like it was the best suit he owned. It was molded to his broad shoulders, so perfectly tailored to him that he looked straight out of a model photoshoot. His silver hair was perfectly arranged and his green eyes glittered with a bit of amusement as she took him in. 

“Why of course you can, Captain,” she said daintily, holding her hand out for him to take.

He shook his head and grinned as he took it, pulling her to him. His other hand rested on her waist, hers on his shoulder, and they slipped easily into a dance that echoed the music harmonies of the orchestra playing. She could feel the heat of his hand through her dress, making goosebumps prickle her skin. The hand holding hers was firm yet soft, and she admitted to herself that she loved how perfect her hand fit in his. 

“You look beautiful,” he murmured to her, eyes roving over her face, drinking her in.

“Right back at you, Agent Whitethorn,” she cooed, though his words brought a light flush to her cheeks.

His smile widened and he opened his mouth to say something when shouting started, shouts that broke off into screams. The music abruptly stopped and a loud bang rang through the spacious room, causing screams of absolute terror to shake Aelin to her core. 

Heart beating fast, her eyes scanned the room as Rowan started yelling orders into his headset. Everyone was running around, the screaming deafening as she searched for the source of the gunshot. A scream of her own escaped her as she saw five masked figures dressed in black, holding assault rifles in their hands as they shoved through people running around. 

“Find Aelin Galathynius!” one of them shouted and they split off. 

“Aelin!”

Her focus was dragged back to Rowan as he shook her. She looked up into his face, seeing fear there as he grabbed her and started yanking her towards a secret exit at the back of the room. 

“We have to get you out of here, now!” he yelled, covering her with his body as he dragged her away from the stampeding crowd.

“But- my parents-  _ Rowan _ !” 

“They’re okay, the Cadre has them! We need to get you out of here, they’re after you,” Rowan growled, pulling her through the secret door and shutting it, encasing them in darkness and he grabbed her arm and started running through the hall. 

She had no room in her head for anything but rising panic and fear as they ran. She stopped, only for a second to kick off her heels, and they were off again, Rowan seeming to know where they were going as they ran through the barely lit secret halls. 

It was just like what happened two years ago, they had come for her then and they were coming for her now. What they wanted, she didn’t know. Rhoe Galathynius was extremely popular in Terrasen, and the public loved Aelin. She had no idea why dissenters, rebels,  _ whoever _ they were, were coming after her, hellbent on ending her life.

Her breath came out in gasping pants as Rowan pulled her along. Tears stung her eyes and she let them fall, a sob escaping her lips. She stumbled and if Rowan hadn’t been holding onto her hand, she would’ve fallen. He grabbed onto her, hefting her up into his arms, her weight almost nothing to him as he continued to run. She wrapped her arms around his neck, sobbing into his shoulder as crisp night air finally blew across her back.

She didn’t look up until Rowan was opening a car door and placing her in the passenger seat, slamming the door and rounding the car, sliding in and starting the ignition. He hit the gas pedal, gravel spewing as he peeled out of the the short driveway at the back of the house, using the back exit as they sped off into the night.

  
  



	6. Chapter 6

Aelin had somehow managed to fall asleep during the car ride. She didn’t know where Rowan was taking her, but she knew it had to be one of the many safe houses her family had around Terrasen. 

A gentle shake of her shoulder had her rousing from a fitful nap, blinking her tiredness away, her eyes feeling swollen and heavy from crying. She got out of the car, taking in her surroundings. 

They were at their cabin in the Staghorns. A place only her parents and the Cadre knew about, hidden in a forest that was protected by the national park service. She was actually surprised that Rowan had managed to get the SUV so close to the cabin, that’s how far back in the thick trees and brush it was. She knew the closest town was almost two hours away, at the base of the mountain their cabin sat on. They were completely and utterly alone. 

She opened the heavy, steel-plated wooden door to the cabin, mindlessly scanning her retina, her thumb, and then entering the nine digit code to get them into the house. Rowan shut the door behind them, spinning the vault-like doorknob and inputting the same code to secure them inside.

There were two windows in the whole cabin, one in the living room, and one in the kitchen. She knew it was inches-thick bulletproof glass, knew that steel shutters came down over them when emergency protocol was activated. This house could withstand an avalanche. Maybe even a nuclear bomb. 

Aelin grabbed the bag that Rowan had set down on the floor and made for her room, opening the door and flicking on the light. Everything was left the way it was when they’d left it last summer. They had come up here for a weekend to get away from the busy cycle of elections. Her bed was made, covered in a deep emerald green duvet and a bunch of cream colored pillows. The walls were white, the floor a warm wood, and a vanity and dresser were placed against one wall. She threw her bag onto the bed before shuffling down the hall and into the bathroom. 

She locked the door behind her and started to run the water to get it hot. She stared at herself in the mirror, at the black dress, the golden comb, the makeup. She suddenly felt a lot smaller than she was, as if she was beginning to cave in on herself. With a sudden burst, she yanked the comb out of her hair, the golden tresses falling down her back. She clawed her way out of her dress, tearing it in one place but she couldn’t be bothered to care as tears started to build up, her breath coming out in heaving gasps. 

She turned and stepped into the shower, closing the glass door behind her. She started to furiously scrub at her face, trying to get the makeup off. Once she’d successfully done so, she stood in the spray of the water, barely registering that it was too hot. Her mind was numbingly blank as she stared at the water swirling around the drain. 

Flashes of memories began to bombard her, memories she tried so hard to repress. Shouting and pain and the color of blood, her blood. The unending sense of dread because she wasn’t sure if she was going to survive. The pain that followed post surgery, the pain that followed with physical therapy, trying to walk again. The fear, the frustration, the tears. The sleepless nights. The times where the only thing she could seem to feel were Dorian’s hands on her body. They all barreled through her until she was left choking on her sobs, collapsing to the tile floor of the shower. 

She hugged her knees to her chest, sobbing into them as she cried. She sometimes hated that this was her life. Hated her father for becoming the president of Terrasen. Hated that she was never safe. Hated the Cadre, hated Rowan. She was just barely nineteen and she’d gone through so much more than other nineteen year old girls had gone through. And her father was up for re-election. She didn’t know if she could handle another four years of this. 

Thinking back to what had happened hours ago, she stared at her toes as she tried to sort through the events. That was the second time in a month that these people had been able to infiltrate the mansion. She had no doubt in her mind that the people that had broken in earlier in the month were the same ones who had created a bloodbath at her birthday party.

The sound of the grandfather clock in the living room chiming pulled her out of her thoughts. She counted twelve chimes, and then huffed a laugh that lacked any kind of joy. It was midnight.

“Happy birthday to me,” she muttered, her voice thick with tears.

She sighed and reached to turn the water off, climbing out of the shower. She wrapped herself in a towel and padded back into her room, throwing on sweats and an old shirt that happened to be another one of Rowan’s. Her mouth twisted as she looked down at it but then sighed and headed back out to the living room to see Rowan turning on the electric fireplace, heat already beginning to sift through the room. He looked up at her as she came in, his face softening at whatever he saw on hers. He pulled her to him, wrapping his arms around her as she buried her face into his chest. 

“I’m so sorry love,” he whispered into her damp hair.

She said nothing, just breathed in the comforting scent of him as she squeezed him tighter. She refused to let tears fall again. She was done crying. She held him for a few more seconds before pulling back, wrapping her arms around herself.

“My parents’ room is locked and I don’t have the key, so looks like we’re going to have to share a bed,” she told him, trying to force some playfulness into her tone.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea, princess,” he sighed, running a hand through his hair. “I’m going to sleep on the couch.”

She scoffed. “I’m not going to lose my virtue if you sleep next to me, Captain. You’ve already done it before.”

But he’d already made up his mind. “I’ll be here if you need me.” He turned around to start rearranging blankets on the couch. 

Panic suddenly seized her and she let out a choked “Rowan”, causing him to pause and turn back to her.

“Please stay with me. Please, just… stay.”

The panic she felt inside must’ve been apparent on her face, because his own softened and he nodded. She turned and went to her bedroom, sliding under the covers and watching as Rowan closed and locked the door as a precaution, flicking the lights off. She flipped a switch next to her and faerie lights flickered on, bathing them in a soft, warm glow. She turned to him as he got in bed on the other side, pulling the covers up to his chin as he stared back at her. 

“I know it’s not under better circumstances, but happy birthday Aelin,” he murmured to her. 

She gave him a small, sad smile. “This is the first birthday I’ve spent without my parents.”

“They’re okay,” he told her, scooting closer. “I contacted Fenrys before we left the town at the base of the mountain. The Cadre has them at the safe house in Perranth.”

She nodded, staring at the lights that ran along the ceiling. She should have been content that they were safe, but she couldn’t help the heaviness of her heart at the fact that they weren’t here with her. She sighed and turned her attention back to Rowan, wiggling closer to steal his body heat, arms brushing against his. 

“Since it’s my birthday…” she began, eyes tracing his face. “And I don’t get to open any presents, can I ask something of you then?”

He huffed a laugh. “Sure.”

“Kiss me,” she breathed, her eyes locked on his, her voice pleading. “Please.”

His mouth fell open, eyebrows furrowing. She could see the conflict in his eyes, could see that while he wanted to grant her request, he also wanted to draw a line between them. She said nothing as he battled through it, almost sobbing in relief when he put a hand to her cheek, running a thumb along her cheekbone. 

He leaned in slowly, as if giving either her or him time to pull away. Their noses brushed and Aelin closed her eyes, gasping slightly when his lips finally met hers. Fire ignited her bones as Rowan cupped her face and kissed her deeper, the scent of him infiltrating her nose in the best way.

This wasn’t the kiss from three years ago, when she’d been young and stupid and desperate for his attention that she’d basically thrown herself at him. That kiss had been quick, full of surprise, over before she knew just how  _ good _ it felt to have his lips on hers. 

And good gods, did it feel so good. Kissing him was a beginning and an ending. She knew that after this, she would never be able to let someone else kiss her, never let someone else put their hands on her. His kiss completely wiped away her doubt in him. He kissed her like he would die for her, like his kiss could bring her back from the brink of death, and it took her breath away. Rowan’s kiss wrecked her so thoroughly that she wasn’t aware he had pulled away until she opened her eyes and found him staring at her with an expression that looked something like wonder. 

She reached out a hand to shakily trace the shape of his lips before whispering an equally shaky, “Thank you.”

He smiled softly at her and then scooted away, maintaining a healthy distance away from her in bed. “Happy birthday, love. Now go to sleep.”

She pouted dramatically. “Fine. Bossy.” 

He laughed and she grinned at him before turning her back to him and burying herself deep under the covers.

-

Rowan listened as Aelin’s breath finally evened out, letting him know she was asleep. 

Boundaries.

Distance.

Professionalism.

_ Boundaries. _

He recited the words over in his head, metaphorically kicking himself for humoring her request, despite how desperately he had wanted to. But she had looked at him with those big, blue eyes, she had looked so open and vulnerable. How could he have said no?

And the kiss had fucking wrecked him. Completely tore him apart and remade him. He’d never felt this way kissing other women, not even in bed with other women. No one else had made him feel the way kissing Aelin made him feel. It made him feel like they would burn together, would melt and forge together until they became inseparable. He’d come undone just at the pressure of her lips, the soft graze of her finger tips against his skin. And if they ever went down that road, if they picked up where that kiss had left off…

No. They wouldn’t. They couldn’t.

_ Boundaries _ , he growled to himself. It was going to become his favorite word, whether he liked it or not.

He sighed and slipped out of bed, gazing at her sleeping form for a moment. She looked so peaceful, but he knew it wouldn’t last. He had seen the grief in her eyes, the bleakness in them after she’d gotten out of the shower. He hadn’t mentioned to her that he had heard her sobbing in the bathroom. Hadn’t mentioned that it ripped her heart apart to hear her like that. 

He sighed once more and quietly left her room, leaving the door open just a crack in case she woke up or had a nightmare. He sat on the couch, eyes focused on the dying fire, wondering when the lines between him and the girl he’d sworn to protect had gotten so blurred.

  
  



	7. Chapter 7

Aelin woke up with a start, her hand unconsciously reaching next to her. Empty. And cold. Rowan had either woken up hours ago, or he’d left as soon she’d fallen asleep. When she glanced at the alarm clock and saw it was only six in the morning, she assumed the latter.

She sighed, and then ire sparked through her. She had asked him to stay all night. And he couldn’t even do that. What was his problem?

Nostrils flaring indignantly, she rolled out of bed and stomped out of her room, finding Rowan dead asleep on the couch. She raised her hand to smack him against his shoulder and then debated it. His silvery hair was ruffled beyond belief, and he looked so deeply asleep that she didn’t want to wake him up, no matter how angry she was. He had been getting less sleep than her these days, she knew. He was with her almost 24/7, sleeping in intervals since he had come back as her personal bodyguard. 

Clenching her jaw, she bit back her anger and went into the kitchen, beginning to make breakfast. She turned on the coffeemaker and started to fry some eggs. Her mind wandered, not too far so she wouldn’t accidentally burn her breakfast, but far enough that her eyes unfocused as she gnawed at her lip.

She was worried about her parents. This was the first time she’d ever been separated from them like this. The first time she’d been away from them for this long. Her cellphone didn’t work out here, and the only way to get a hold of anyone was with the emergency phone. She didn’t know the phone numbers to the emergency phones of the other safe houses, so she was stuck until someone contacted this house. She was sure Rowan had some way of contacting the Cadre but he was asleep and wouldn’t do anything about it if it wasn’t in her best interest. Or her parents’. 

She flipped the burner off and slid her eggs onto a plate, eating them without tasting them, drinking her coffee without thinking about how hot it was. She didn’t know what to do anymore, and she didn’t know how long she and Rowan were going to be here. The last time something like this had happened, she’d been with her parents and it had only been a few days. 

Taking her coffee with her, she silently went through the security measures to unlock the front door, leaving it cracked behind her as she stepped onto the porch of the cabin. A slight breeze fluttered her hair, the air crisp and cool despite that it was May and the weather in Terrasen was about to warm up. Holding her cup between her hands tightly, she let her eyes roam around the property, taking in the silence and the golden brown colors of the leaves and brush, now starting to be flecked with bright greens. 

She wondered when her life had become such a mess. Despite what had happened three years ago, nothing else major had come to pass. Someone had tried breaking into the grounds of the manor, and there had been some political dissent at one point, but these past few weeks… people actually breaking into the house, insurgents– or  _ whoever _ they were– opening fire at her birthday party, looking to either kidnap her or kill her… 

She didn’t understand. Everyone loved her father. The senators were great. Except maybe Darrow, but he was just an ass all the time anyways. Terrasen was prosperous. They got along with the neighboring countries. She didn’t know where the dissent could be coming from. If it was even coming from people in Terrasen. 

A phantom ache started along her spine, and she tensed up. It had been a while since something like this had happened, and her breath left her in a whoosh as she tried to focus on telling herself that the pain wasn’t real. 

“Aelin.”

She whirled around, her mug falling to the ground and shattering at her feet, her heart in her throat. 

“Fucking gods Rowan. Don’t scare me like that,” she muttered, crouching to pick up the shattered ceramic pieces.

“What are you doing out here?” he asked her, pulling her inside as soon as she stood back up.

“I needed some fresh air,” she mumbled, her back to him as she threw the pieces away.

“You can’t just do stuff like that without asking me first.”

The anger she’d felt towards him earlier was now bubbling up to the surface and she turned around, an incredulous look on her face. “I’m sorry. Since when are you the boss of me?”

“Since I became your bodyguard. Just because we’re at a safe house doesn’t mean that we’re safe. What if the location was compromised? What if there had been a sniper outside waiting for you to walk out that door? What–”

“Rowan, for the love of all the gods, please shut up!” The sharpness of her voice had him immediately on the defensive. “Just because you’re my bodyguard doesn’t mean you’re entitled to make every decision for me. I can handle myself. I’m a big girl now. I survived once without you, I can do it again.”

She saw that her words struck a chord within him. He very slightly flinched, and if she hadn’t known him as well as she did, she wouldn’t have seen it. She sighed in frustration, yanking a hand through her hair.

“I’m tired of this, Rowan,” she told him, her voice soft, her eyes unfocused as she stared at a random spot on the wall. Tears pricked her eyes and the words started flowing along with the tears.

“When you left, I thought I could handle it. But no one was you, no one could be you. Fenrys tried. Even gods damn Lorcan tried. But you left this… hole. And then when I was attacked. Fenrys was right there, but he wasn’t fast enough. And all I could think was that this wouldn’t happen if you’d been there. You were  _ always _ at my side or at my back. You never would’ve allowed me that close to a crowd. But whatever happened between us, whatever you  _ felt _ for me, it made you so scared and so disgusted with yourself that you ran away. You ran away from  _ me _ .”

She took a deep breath, wiping at her cheeks though tears still dripped down. “I’m not going to pretend that I don’t feel something for you, Rowan. When I woke up in the hospital, the first thing I was hoping to see was your face. Not Fenrys’s, not my mom’s, not my dad’s. I was hoping that somehow someone had gotten word to you and you would come back. And then I  _ tried _ . I tried so hard to contact you, to get you to at least call me so I could tell you what happened. To tell you that I  _ needed _ you. Ever since you walked into my life, I’ve needed you there by my side. And I’m tired of having this same old conversation with you. You need to figure it out now.” 

She sniffed and wiped the rest of her tears away, brushing past him and towards her room. She paused and looked back at him to see him staring at her with an unreadable expression. But his eyes. She could always tell by his eyes how he was feeling. And she almost crumbled at the heartbreak she saw there.

“You're not sleeping on the couch anymore, even if I have to burn it,” she ordered him, her voice firm. “I need you with me, you can sleep on the floor if that's what you want but I feel like I can't sleep if you're not there with me.”

And with that, she slammed her door behind her, fell onto her bed, and cried.

-

Hours later, after she was done feeling sorry for herself, Aelin rifled through the cupboards and drawers, looking for anything that could stave off her boredom. When she pulled open a cupboard door next to the fridge, she hit the jackpot. 

Various bottles of alcohol sat in a jumbled row, everything from vodka to whiskey. An idea flickered through her head and she grinned, grabbing a bottle of her father’s favorite whiskey and a bottle of fruity flavored vodka that she knew her mom liked. 

“Rowan, let’s play a game.”

Rowan looked up from the couch to see the bottles in her hands, his eyebrows furrowing. He hadn’t said anything when she’d reemerged from her room an hour ago, but she could feel his eyes on her as she had roamed around the cabin. “I don’t like where this is going.”

“Oh, lighten up Captain. We’re going to play a little drinking game. Let’s play Never Have I Ever,” she cooed, setting the bottle of whiskey down in front of him and joining him on the opposite side of the couch. “I go first.”

He let out a long-suffering sigh and grabbed the whiskey, taking a large swig before she even said anything. She laughed and crossed her legs underneath her, tapping her lips as she thought of something to ask. 

“Okay,” she said, “never have I ever gotten into a fist fight.”

Rowan’s lips twitched up as he took a sip from the bottle. Maybe this would be fun.

“Alright, princess,” he drawled. “Never have I ever flirted with my security detail to give them the slip.”

She let out a barking laugh as she remembered exactly what he was talking about. Months before he had left, Rowan had caught her sneaking out of the manor after she had successfully flirted her way out of Fenrys following her around for the day. She remembered the stern look on his handsome face but how his eyes had shone with laughter as he told her to be better at sneaking out next time. She hadn’t even been mad at being caught.

She took a large gulp and grimaced as the alcohol burned on the way down. She eyed him and then smiled innocently. “Never have I ever joined the Marines because I thought it sounded cool.” 

“Low blow,” he laughed, taking a drink. 

And so it went. They traded sentences back and forth, calling each other out on everything they knew about each other. Several sips later, Aelin was finally feeling loose and giddy.

“Never have I ever slept with a president’s son in a treehouse,” Rowan said, raising an eyebrow at her. 

She snorted obnoxiously and took a swig. “Never have I ever ran away because a 16 year old kissed me.”

He huffed a laugh. “Alright, you win.”

“Wait, I have one more,” she stated. When he motioned for her to continue, she rolled the bottle between her hands, dropping his gaze. “Never have I ever been in love with the president’s daughter.”

She looked back up in time to see his jaw flex as he met her gaze. Without breaking eye contact with her, he lifted the bottle to his lips and took one, two, three long drinks of alcohol, not even flinching though she knew the proof of the whiskey was enough to make even her father gag.

The admission, though no words were said, stunned her. She knew he felt at least some sort of affection for her, even if it was just because he thought she was attractive. Though maybe she’d been a fool to think only that. He wouldn’t have asked for a deployment and left if he didn’t think his feelings for her were serious. He wouldn’t be back here as her personal bodyguard, playing a drinking game with her, if he didn’t at least feel some kind of emotion for her. 

She broke his gaze first, fiddling with the bottle, sucking her lip into mouth. She eyed the clock, seeing that it was nearing ten p.m. She brought her eyes back to his.

“I meant what I said earlier,” she murmured, placing the bottle on the coffee table next to them. “I want you to stay with me. In my room.”

He didn’t say anything, just nodded once, not even going to argue with her. She smiled shyly and got up, wobbling a little bit before grabbing stuff from her room and locking herself in the bathroom. 

She eyed herself in the mirror, smoothing her hands down what she wore. A smirk curled along her lips, and she fluffed her hair before leaving the bathroom. She entered her bedroom and saw Rowan sit up straight out of the corner of her eye. She tried to act as nonchalantly as possible as she pulled back the covers, flicking on the bedside lamp. 

“ _ What _ is that?” he asked her and she looked up to see him trying and failing not to look at her.

She looked down at what she had donned in the bathroom. The satin of her nightgown was an emerald green, lace trim along her breasts and at the hem that just barely hit mid-thigh. Though everything was covered, she knew that the nightgown left little to the imagination, especially highlighting the fact that she wore absolutely nothing underneath.

Rowan swallowed hard, and she had to fight her smile. "How... how did you even get those here?"

"I'm always prepared Captain Whitethorn," she purred innocently, slipping into bed next to him. 

She lay on her stomach, showing off the low back of the gown, the way it just barely covered her ass. She kept her eyes closed, but she knew without looking that his eyes were on her. She fought to keep a smirk off her face, pretending she was trying to fall asleep, despite that with his gaze on her, she found sleep impossible. She could feel the heat of it, it almost felt as if he was actually touching her.

And then he did. She jumped only slightly when she felt a finger on her back, tracing her scars gently and carefully. Goosebumps erupted a long her skin and she knew he could see them. She slowly opened her eyes to see his own on her back, devastation evident on every line and crease and contour of his face. 

She watched as a tear rolled down his cheek, and her heart cracked as she reached out to brush it away, about to tell him it was okay, that she was okay, when he caught her hand and began kissing the pads of her fingertips, his lips so soft and so gentle that it took her breath away.

“I’m so sorry,” he whispered, placing a kiss to her palm. “I should have been there. I’m so fucking sorry.” 

“It’s okay,” she whispered, scooting closer to him, pulling his arms around her. She snuggled into him, her face pressed against his shirt. “It’s okay. I’m okay.”

She whispered those words over and over again as he cried, something she’d never seen him do. Something that she would kill for to never see again. They held each other until they both drifted off to sleep.

  
  



	8. Chapter 8

Rowan came to as he felt soft, warm lips trailed across his upper chest, featherlight kisses that had goosebumps painting his skin. He sighed in content, still half asleep as his eyes fluttered open, zeroing in on the source of the kisses.

Aelin’s golden blonde hair was mussed up in the cutest way possible, her turquoise eyes sparkling with amusement as she met his gaze, continuing to pepper kisses over his collarbone. He rose a brow but watched her silently as her mouth inched up his body, trailing over his jaw and down his nose. Her mouth hovered above his, those brilliant eyes of hers asking a question that he had to answer. His hand came up to cup her cheek, thumb brushing over her cheekbone before pulling her face down so their lips connected. 

He kissed her deeply, thoroughly, and he almost wished it didn’t feel as good as it did. Kissing Aelin felt like taking a breath of fresh air, finding an oasis in the middle of the desert, biting into the sweetest, most decadent piece of cake. Kissing her was more addictive than drugs or alcohol, and if she was poison he wouldn’t care that she killed him. If he died, he would want to do it in her arms.

Kissing her was almost enough to make him forget that there was supposed to be a line drawn between them. Almost. Suddenly remembering himself, he swore slightly against her mouth and pulled away.

“Aelin,” he sighed. “We can’t do this.”

She blinked once in surprise and then rolled her eyes. “Whatever, Rowan.” Then she smirked, a small smirk that meant trouble. “But… you can’t run away this time, Captain Whitethorn.”

With a seductive laugh, she rolled off of him and out of bed, pulling down the hem of her nightgown. But not before he managed to catch a glimpse of what she was hiding underneath. Gods, everything about her was perfect, even her ass.

He groaned and then gritted his teeth, heading into the bathroom to take a very cold shower.

-

While Rowan had been in the shower, Aelin changed into something a little more comfortable. One of his shirts and a pair of leggings. She had just made breakfast for them when he came strolling into the kitchen, hair still damp and shirtless. She tried not to stare as she sat down across from him, pulling her legs up onto the chair as she ate. 

“How was your shower?” she asked innocently, spreading cream cheese on her bagel.

He grumbled something unintelligible, stuffing eggs in his mouth. She rolled her eyes.

“Oh _please_,” she drawled, taking a bite. “Waking up with my mouth on your body wasn’t the worst thing to ever happen to you.”

He levelled a look at her that told her he wasn’t having this conversation. She stuck her tongue out at him and went back to her breakfast. She was halfway done before a thought struck her.

“Rowan?” she asked.

He looked up from his food. “Yes?”

“Will you teach me how to shoot?”

He choked on whatever he’d been about to swallow, coughing a few times before looking at her incredulously. “Shoot? Like, a gun?”

“No, a basketball,” she huffed in annoyance. “_Yes_, a gun.”

“Why do you need to know how to shoot a gun?”

She shrugged. “Because there might be a time where I need to.”

“Do you not trust me?” He said it in a joking tone but she gave him a serious look all the same.

“I trust you with my life,” she told him. “But, something might happen where you’re not there or too far away to get me. I want to know how to defend myself.”

His beautiful green eyes roved over her face, trying to decide how he wanted to answer her.

After a moment, he nodded. “Okay.”

-

“Don’t stand like that.”Aelin sighed, letting the gun dangle at her hip. “Then teach me how to properly stand then, gods.”

“Don’t just hold the gun like that either,” he barked, grabbing it from her and flicking the safety on. “You could accidentally shoot yourself.”

“You’re insufferable,” she groaned, hands on her hips. “Either show me how to shoot a gun or go back inside and I’ll teach myself.”

He glared at her before coming to stand behind her, placing the gun back in her hands. He was quick and efficient in moving different parts of her body into the right stance, though everywhere his hands grazed bare skin she shivered. His arms were a cage around her, his hands on hers as his chest pressed against her back.

“There are sights on the top of the gun. Use them to aim for your target,” he told her, his lips at her ear, and all of a sudden she was no longer interested in learning how to shoot. She wanted his mouth on her ear, her neck, all over her body.

She pressed against him, resting her head on his shoulder. “So what now?” she asked, tilting her head up to look at him. He was staring down at her, their lips hovering mere inches from each other’s. He was so close she could see the small flecks of golden brown in his green eyes. “I just shoot the target?”

Rowan didn’t answer right away, his eyes boring into hers as if he could see right into her soul. His gaze took her breath away. She blinked, trying to shake herself from her thoughts and looked through the sights at the target Rowan had hastily spray painted on a nearby tree.

He huffed a laugh, his breath fluttering a lock of her hair. Gods, he was going to be the death of her. 

Clearing his throat, he instructed: “Inhale deeply and on the exhale, pull the trigger. If you’re tense when you shoot, the bullet will go wide.”

They inhaled together and on the exhale, he pulled the trigger with her. The recoil of the handgun shocked her, but not as much as the deafening noise of the gun being fired. Her ears rang as she peered at the tree to see if she’d hit the target. A smoking hole rested in the middle of the target, right on the bullseye.

“I did that,” she breathed.

“Well, we did that.” Rowan let her go and she immediately missed his warmth. “Try it this time on your own.”

She followed his instructions, holding steady as she fired again. The bullet hit right next to the first one. Her brows rose in surprise and she looked at the gun in her hands and back to the target. The red circles faded into masked faces, faces that haunted her dreams, faces that she couldn’t distinguish but wanted her dead all the same. 

“Aelin.”

Her breath was coming out in quick pants, and as she came back to herself, she took in what she’d done. 

She’d unloaded the entire magazine into the tree, never straying from that inner circle. A chunk of the tree was now gone, chipped away from the bullets she’d shot into it. 

“Love.”

She flinched as Rowan’s face came into her vision, his hands on hers as he gently took the weapon from her hands. His face was furrowed with concern, and he opened his mouth to say something but she just shook her head.

“You’re right. I don’t need to use a gun. I trust you to protect me,” she told him quickly, eyes flicking back to the target before she turned on her heel and strode back into the safety of the cabin.

-

After she’d calmed herself down hours later, she asked Rowan to help her make dinner. They worked in sync, Rowan browning some beef for spaghetti while Aelin hand made the noodles. A recipe that had been passed down through her family.

Every time she passed by him, she would brush against him, a hand innocently touching his back or side, leaning in front of him to grab something. He stilled every time she did, but she didn’t look at his face to see whatever expression he had on.

When she pressed against him to grab a spice from the cabinet above him, the spatula he was using clattered in the pan as he turned to her, eyes narrowing.

“What are you doing?” he asked, his voice rough.

She blinked innocently. “I’m just grabbing something for the sauce.”

“Don’t think I don’t know what you’re doing.”

She smirked and turned back to her task. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, Agent Whitethorn.”

She heard him mutter a few choice words and she smiled to herself the rest of the time it took for them to finish cooking. 

“Do you know when we’ll be able to leave?” she asked as they sat down to eat.

Rowan shook his head. “I haven’t been able to make contact with Fenrys or Lorcan or Connall. It’s possible that the emergency phone in the safe house could’ve stopped working. My cell doesn’t get service out here, and I don’t want to risk going back down to the village town.”

Panic squeezed her heart painfully. “Do you think…?” She couldn’t finish the sentence.

“No,” he said definitively, capturing her gaze. “Before we got up here, Fenrys had called me to say they were at the safe house in Perranth. They’re okay.”

She loosed a breath. “Then why haven’t we heard from them?”

“Like I said, the phone might not be working. In any case, we have our protocol in place. Once a team comes to let your parents know it’s safe, the Cadre will come find us.”

She looked down at her food, sighing. It wasn’t that she didn’t enjoy having alone time with Rowan. But being away from her parents, not knowing anything that was going on, it was stressing her out thoroughly. The last time they’d had to go to a safe house, they’d been together and it had only been a few days. It was only day two of being here with Rowan and she was ready to crawl up the walls.

They finished up dinner and Aelin went back to making subtle passes at Rowan as they washed the dishes. This time, a small smirk flirted on his lips when he realized what she was doing. She bit her lip to hide her own smile. 

She left Rowan in her room getting ready for bed as she got ready in the bathroom. She’d managed to grab something she’d been keeping a secret before he could see it, donning it in the bathroom. She fluffed her hair and appraised herself, a devilish smirk curling her mouth as she straightened her shoulders and left the bathroom.

Rowan was sitting up in bed, shirtless. He was running a hand through his hair, eyes unfocused as he seemed to be deep in thought. She leaned against the door way, propping up her hip.

“I’m thinking if we don’t hear from anyone in the next 48 hours, we’ll go down to town and see if we can get a hold of someone. I don’t–”

He stopped dead in his tracks as his eyes lifted up to where she stood. They were wide, roving over every single inch of her. 

“You are _not_ wearing that to bed,” he growled after a moment.

She looked down at herself. She was in a nightgown that looked as if it had been dusted with gold. It was utterly see through, so while it covered everything, it left nothing to the imagination. There were two ribbons that held it together at her breasts, flowing down her torso, barely covering the skimpy cream lace thong she wore.

She shrugged, looking back to him. “Would you prefer me naked instead?” She reached for the ties at her chest and Rowan let out a choked noise.

“NO, _no_, keep it on.” His eyes kept darting to her and away. “Fucking hell.”

She slipped into bed next to him, on top of the covers, the sections of the nightgown fluttering down on either side of her, leaving her stomach exposed, showing off her panties. She glanced at Rowan to see him staring at the ceiling, his jaw clenched so hard she was surprised she couldn’t hear his teeth grinding.

“Rowan?”

“What.”

She tried not to smile at his tense tone. “Can I have a goodnight kiss? Pretty please.”

He turned his head to look at her, his face expressionless. “Definitely not.”She pouted. “Please? Just on the cheek.”

His nostrils flared and then he sighed, leaning in. Right before his lips grazed her cheek, she turned her head, capturing his lips with hers. She expected him to pull away, to tell her again that they weren’t going to do this. So she was surprised when he rolled on top of her, arms braced on either side of her head, one hand in her hair as he deepened the kiss. She wrapped her legs around his waist, pulling him closer, his chest pressed against her as she ran her hands over his shoulders and down his back.

His other hand gripped her thigh, tracing her skin, raising goosebumps as his grip tightened. He pulled back, mouth leaving hers, and she opened her eyes to find him staring at her, breathing heavily as he looked her over. 

“Rowan, please,” she whispered, her hand coming up to cup his face.

-

The words were Rowan’s undoing. She was so godsdamn beautiful, so sensual, so perfect beneath him that he didn’t care that there needed to be boundaries, didn’t care that if they did this, it could ruin everything. He didn’t care that she was supposed to be his responsibility only, not his for the taking. He didn’t care about anything except the way she looked up at him with those big blue eyes, her face slightly flushed, her lips swollen from his kisses.

He pushed himself up, straddling her hips as he looked down at her. This godsdamn nightgown she was wearing. It was barely a nightgown. Two sheer pieces of gold fabric that mocked him by highlighting every accent of her body. He could see her peaked nipples, the swell of her breasts.

He reached down and tugged the first ribbon. He was sure Aelin wasn’t breathing. He tugged the second one, letting the silky fabric fall from her chest, exposing her to him. His hand shook as he placed it across her collarbone, sliding it down her chest. His eyes connected with hers as his fingers traced over the curve of her breast, his thumb brushing against her nipple.

Her lips parted, eyes blazing. A gasp tumbled out of her mouth as he stroked her again, hips bucking up against his. He smirked before he could stop himself, pleased that she was so responsive to his touch. He leaned down and took her nipple into his mouth, rolling it between his teeth, causing her to cry out.

“Rowan, please,” she whined, tugging on his hair to try and bring him back up to her.

He grabbed her hand, coming back up to press a swift kiss to her lips before trailing back down her body.

“Let me touch you,” he whispered against her skin, grazing his mouth down her stomach, stopping right at the waistband of her panties.

He paused there, mouth on her skin, closing his eyes. He knew that if he went any farther, there would be no going back from this. He’d tried so hard to keep distance between them. He had tried three years ago and it had almost gotten her killed.

No more. Never again. He’d be there for her until he took his last breath.

Whatever was left of his resolve vanished as he knelt before her, pulling her panties down her legs. He grabbed her knees and parted them, leaving her bare and open for him, and him alone. He held her gaze as he lowered his mouth, a lion about to go in for the kill. She was biting her lip, eyes wide and filled with desire as she watched him.

Just before his lips touched where he knew she wanted him, he brought his mouth to the inside of her thigh, planting biting kisses along the sensitive skin there. Small noises came from her as he did the same on the other side, finally giving her what she wanted as he lifted her leg over his shoulder and put his mouth on her.

She cried out as his tongue delved between her folds, licking up to her clit before he pulled it into his mouth, sucking on it. He groaned against her, holding her hips down as she tried to move against him. Rowan continued to roll her clit in his mouth as he pushed two fingers into her, desperate to learn and memorize every inch of her body, to know exactly what made the president’s daughter tremble. His fingers curled to hit that one spot inside her that would have her falling off the edge for him and her answering moan told him that he was on the right path.

Her scent and taste was overwhelming as he pleasured her. It consumed him, and deep down he knew she was about ruin him. She was a woman he’d never had before, never allowed himself to think about having.

And as she exploded, her hands tightening in his hair as she called out his name, he knew he would do anything to have her how she was at this moment: shaking, crying out, completely undone for him. It was a sight he wanted to burn into his memory and play over and over again. 

He kissed back up her body as she came down, pressing his lips to hers as his hand tangled in her hair. He kissed her like he was drowning and she was the one thing that would save him. Sometimes it felt like that. The weight of his career, the weight of his life… sometimes it threatened to pull him under.

But Aelin had always been there to steady him, to anchor him, even if he had never realized, never admitted it to himself. Three years ago, now, it was still the same. She knew him, knew him more than he let anyone else know him. And he knew her. The minute he had stepped into her role as her bodyguard, he felt as if he’d been waiting his whole life for that moment.

And being here, bodies flush together, skin on skin, this was nothing and everything he’d ever dreamed of. No one made him feel the way Aelin made him feel. 

“Rowan,” she sighed against his mouth, her legs tightening around his waist. “Please.”

He pulled back to look at her, watching her bright blue eyes. He didn’t drop her gaze as he guided himself into her, focusing on the way her mouth fell open as she gasped, almost groaning when he bottomed out and she tightened around him. 

Gods, she felt so good. It was almost as if they had been made for each other, how perfectly they fit together. He stilled for a moment, just soaking in the weight of what was happening. There definitely was no going back from this. She was going to undo all his carefully made rules. And he didn’t care.

One hand on her thigh and the other tangled in her hair, he began to move, stroking into her slow and deep. But the sound of his name coming from her, breathy and broken, unleashed him. He pulled her closer, a force that neither of them could or would deny as Rowan thrust into her hard, whispering words of adoration as the breath was knocked out of her with each deliberate stroke of him inside her.

Her hands were all over him, gripping the back of his neck, nails digging into his shoulders, dragging down his back. It was as if she couldn’t stop touching him, as if she _needed_ to touch him. 

He needed it too. Her touch ignited something inside him that drove him insane with want. His fingers traced over her features, wanting to know every curve, dip, and stroke of her face as he locked eyes with hers. What he saw in her eyes, he had no words for but he knew it was equally reflected in his own. He watched as her nose scrunched up delicately, her eyelids fluttering shut as she began to clench around him.

Seconds later she called out his name as she came undone for him, the sight of her falling off the edge bringing him over as well. He buried his face in her neck as he came, his body pressed against hers, her hands gripping his back hard as she held him close.

He had no words. Nothing as he tried to pull his sanity back together. What they’d just done… he was ruined. Completely broken and remade. No one else would be enough for him.

It was going to be Aelin, only Aelin, for the rest of his life.

-

Aelin had no words for what had just happened. She was never going to be able to go back to her old life. No more rolling around in the treehouse with Dorian. Either she was going to end up with Rowan or she was going to end up alone. No one else would be enough for her. 

She ran a hand through his hair before he raised his face from her neck. The look in his eyes was how she felt. She placed her hand against his cheek, running her thumb over the definite lines of his handsome face.

“I knew one day you would cave,” she murmured.

He laughed, an actual, genuine laugh as he rolled them over, dragging her up and into his lap. He was already hardening inside her and she groaned as the new position allowed him complete control as he rocked in and out of her. Her head fell back and he took advantage of her exposed neck, kissing and licking every inch of her skin. Rowan Whitethorn ruined her, made it so no one would ever again be good enough for her, claimed her so deeply and passionately that he was going to be it for her. Her heart was undoubtedly his as he held her face in his hands and kissed her as he pounded into her. 

She couldn’t think, couldn’t smell, taste, see anything except him. Nothing else mattered except the man holding her, pleasuring her like he would never do it again. His finger stroked her clit teasingly as he pounded into her, pace increasing and causing a groan to sound deep in her throat. Her hands were raking up and down his back, nails leaving welts that she wished would stay forever, if only to permanently mark that he was hers.

She was going to explode, she was going to somehow catch fire and burn for him, her soul was forging and melding with his as he whispered her name like the holiest of prayers. Her lips captured his and didn’t leave his mouth as she fractured around him one more time, utterly blown away at how right it felt to come undone for him, at how _right_ it felt to be here with him, in this moment.

As he fell back and took her with him, she found herself hoping a rescue team would hold out a few more days just so she had more time with Rowan.


	9. Chapter 9

“Can I ask you something?”

“Anything.”

“When my dad asked you to come back, why did you say yes? You could’ve told him you weren’t interested,” Aelin murmured as she lazily traces patterns across Rowan’s chest. 

Her head rested on his arm and she looked up in time to see his contemplative frown.

“To be honest, I had just separated from the Marines the month prior. I needed a job.” When he saw her nostrils flare indignantly, he smiled at her. “It wasn’t the only reason, calm down.”

“What was the  _ real _ reason?” she prodded.

His eyes traced her face a moment before answering. “I had been doing a lot of thinking that month before. My thoughts turned to you a lot, more than I cared to admit. Wondering how you were, how different you’d become. I needed an excuse to come back to Terrasen, to see you. It would’ve been… inappropriate to just drop back in like I had never left.”

“Mm,” she hummed contemplatively, propping herself up on an elbow to look down at him. “You could’ve just admitted you were desperately in love with me and came back to set things right. It would’ve saved us a lot of fighting.”

He rolled his eyes and yanked her across his chest, causing her to giggle. He kissed her deeply.

“Do you think we’ll hear from Fenrys and the others soon?” she asked when she pulled back, slightly breathless.

Rowan sighed, his fingers carding through her hair gently. “I hope so. When I went down to the town this morning and tried to make contact, it didn’t work.”

Her heart twinged a bit at the fact that there was radio silence from her parents and the rest of the Cadre. She’d finally convinced Rowan to go to town to get supplies and try to contact Fenrys this morning after spending most of the past two days in bed with her. Neither of them got out of bed unless necessary, and when they did it was to shower together. They couldn’t get enough of each other, and Rowan had definitely worn her out. Not that she was complaining.

“Everything’s going to be okay,” he murmured to her when he saw the frown on her face, pulling her face down to give her a soft kiss. “No news is good news.”

She rolled on top of him, the bedsheet slipping off of her as she straddled him. His hands immediately slipped around her hips, fingers digging into her skin. She looked down at him, smiling softly. 

“You know,” she drawled, placing her hands on his chest. “I’m surprised you haven’t shipped yourself off to the other side of the world yet.”

His nostrils flared and she laughed as he pinched her side, rolling them over so he was now pressing his weight into her. “You’re not funny, Princess.”

She giggled and then sighed as Rowan’s lips found the sensitive part of her neck, his teeth sinking into her skin, leaving a mark she was not going to be able to cover up later.

They were so thoroughly engrossed in each other, their hips about to join together when the bedroom door banged open, causing Aelin to scream and Rowan to fall out of the bed, grabbing for his gun that rested on the bedside table. 

“There you guys are— ohhhhhh. Oh shit.”

Aelin poked her head back out from under the sheet, glaring. “FENRYS.”

The scene before her would’ve made her laugh if she hadn’t been scared half to death. She was clutching the sheet to her body, and Rowan was holding a pillow against his hips, his gun aimed at Fenrys’s chest. Fenrys was looking between Aelin and Rowan, a look of pure incredulity glued to his face.

“Yeah, uh, I’m  _ so _ going to ask about this when we get home,” Fenrys finally said, wagging a finger at them. “And as much as I hate to break this up, you need to come with me, and you need to come with me quickly.”

Aelin scrambled out of bed, wrapping the sheet around her. “Why? What happened?”

Fen looked at her with a suddenly sober expression. “It’s best if you see it for yourself.” He backed out of the room. “Hurry up.”

Aelin glanced at Rowan, swallowing hard. They quickly dressed and packed up their things, Aelin joining Fenrys in his car, Rowan in the SUV behind them.

Fenrys wouldn’t answer any of her questions the whole ride, repeating that she’d want to ask her parents, not him. Hours later they were entering Orynth. Fenrys turned down a street that she knew held one large building. Her heart began to race, her pulse pounding in her ears.

“No,” she whispered as Fenrys pulled into the emergency room parking lot of Orynth General Hospital. “ _ No _ .”

“Princess—” 

“What the fuck happened?” Aelin demanded, turning to him, fire coating her veins. 

Fenrys sighed and flicked his eyes to the hospital. “4th floor, room 439.”

Aelin swore at him, a really filthy name, before tearing out of the car and into the hospital, her leg bouncing nervously on the too long ride up in the elevator. She rushed down the hall, almost passing the room before she doubled back and stopped dead in her tracks in the doorway. 

Her mother was facing her, but her eyes were on the figure in the hospital bed, her hand resting in his. Her father was asleep, a nasal canula resting on his upper lip, different IVs attached to his arms and hands. He looked pale and fragile, nothing like her lively dad who smiled at her and told her he loved her every chance he got.

“Mom,” Aelin choked out, coming into the room.

Evalin shot to her feet, eyes locking with Aelin’s. Immediately her mother’s face crumpled and so did Aelin’s, the young woman letting out a sob as she rushed towards her mom. They collided, her mother’s arms wrapped tightly around her. 

“Oh, Fireheart. My baby,” Evalin murmured thickly into her hair as Aelin cried into her shoulder, soaking her mother’s shirt. 

Evalin whispered comforting nothings to her as she rocked her daughter softly, running a hand over Aelin’s hair. When Aelin had finally calmed down enough, she pulled back and looked to her father who was still fast asleep.

“What happened?” Aelin asked quietly, taking her mom’s seat as she all but fell down into it, taking a gentle hold of Rhoe’s hand. 

“He had a heart attack while we were at the safe house,” Evalin explained, placing a hand on her daughter’s shoulder as she looked down at her husband. “The stress of everything must’ve finally gotten to him. The safety team had just gotten to us and told us we were good to go back to the house and then your father collapsed.”

“When?” Aelin ground out. If this had happened when she was—

“Yesterday.”

She locked her jaw so hard it started to hurt as she continued to stare at her dad. 

Her father had suffered a heart attack, and she had been rolling around in the sheets with Rowan. She had even wished that a rescue team would hold out for a few days—

Guilt burned through her, and she was glad her mother couldn’t see her face. She was sure it was flame red. She kept her eyes locked on her father’s sleeping face. Despite the circumstances, it was the most relaxed she’d seen him in months, an expression that made him almost unfamiliar to her. She hadn’t realized the stress he was under. 

“I’m going to go get us some food,” Evalin murmured, squeezing Aelin’s shoulder once more. “I’ll be back in a little bit.”

She didn’t watch her mom leave the room, her eyes still glued to Rhoe’s face. Her lip began to tremble and tears fell again as she squeezed his hand gently, resting her forehead against the bed.

“I’m so sorry dad,” she breathed. 

Memories began to flicker through her head, like a camera flash over and over again. Summer days at their lake house, where Lysandra and Aedion would join. The sun darkening her skin and lightening her hair. Her parents’ laughter at the dinner table. Bonfires once the air cooled down. 

She remembered when her dad had been elected president. It had been the proudest moment of her life, as she smiled at him while he gave his acceptance speech. How his eyes had landed on her mother and then on her, his blue eyes crinkling with joy as he thanked his family for being his support network. 

A shuffling noise had her lifting her head, quickly wiping away her tears. Her eyes flicked to the doorway where Rowan stood, his face a mask of sadness as he took in Rhoe and then met Aelin’s eyes. 

Her face crumbled and she let go of her father’s hand to run at Rowan, his arms catching her. Tears didn’t fall but she was shaking, her breath coming out in quick pants. He pulled her out into the hall, whispering words she couldn’t hear, his hand in her hair as he tried his best to soothe her. 

When she finally caught her breath, when she felt like the world wasn’t going to slip from right under her, she pulled back slightly, resting her hands on Rowan’s chest. 

“He’s going to be okay,” she whispered, sighing as she rested her forehead against her hands. “He’s okay.”

“That’s good.”

She tensed at his tone, the lack of feeling, the lack of inflection in his words. She pulled away from him and met his gaze. She could see the wall beginning to slam down, his eyes shuttering as his mouth opened. She knew what he was going to say, could see it in his eyes what he was about to do.

“No.” Her voice was hard. “You’re not going to do this to me.”

“Aelin—”

“You are not going to pull away from me when I need you the most!” she hissed at him, her finger flinging out to point at the window where she could see Rhoe. “You already did it once, and I’m not gonna fucking let you do it again.”

His jaw clenched and his eyes burned into hers for a moment before he nodded.

“Fine,” his voice cold. “But this?” He gestured between them. “This thing between us? It’s not going to continue.” 

For the second time today, her heart dropped. She wouldn’t have been surprised to see it laying on the floor, ready for Rowan to stomp on it some more.

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” she said, incredulous.

“No.” His tone had a note of finality in it. “This is exactly what I was worried would happen. I would get distracted, and you or someone else would get hurt because of it. So it’s over. I’m your bodyguard, that’s it. No more, Aelin.”

Her lip began to quiver as she stared at him, but she would be damned if she cried in front of him about this. Taking a sharp, deep breath, she looked away from him and walked back into her father’s room, her heart crumbling with each step. 

  
  



	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WARNINGS: sex, violence, injury

It had been two weeks since her father had been cleared to go home.

Two weeks of Rowan ignoring Aelin beyond what was deemed appropriate. She could count on one hand the number of times he had actually made eye contact with her.

Two weeks of feeling like she was back in that dark, dark place that Rowan had unknowingly pulled her out of. The nightmares had started back up the night they’d returned back to the manor. 

Despite her and her mother’s protests, Rhoe had planned an event with his advisors for the next day. He’d claimed that the people needed to know he was okay, that he was strong enough to still claim his second term as president. 

She’d spent the whole morning with her dad, going over every detail of the event, listening to what his advisors had to say, what the Cadre said about security and protection. She particularly listened close when Rowan would speak, suggesting better tactics or pointing out things that others had overlooked. Seeing him in action made her heart squeeze; she missed him. Missed his touch, the feel of his lips on hers. 

As if sensing her thoughts, his eyes met hers. She refused to look away, trying to show how much she missed him, how much she wanted him with just her eyes. His eyes roved her face and landed on her mouth. Purposely, she bit her lip, trailing a finger over it. His eyes shot back up to hers, dark and heady. His jaw clenched and he turned to Lorcan who was asking him something. 

She got up and stood next to Rowan, in between him and Fenrys as they surveyed all the different plans laid out on the conference table. She took in the security plans, leaning in front of Rowan to tap her finger against a drawing of the stage. She felt him stiffen as her shoulder brushed across his chest, could feel the sharp exhale of air across the crown of her head. She fought her smug smile as she looked to Lorcan.

“Tell me what you have planned for the stage. We’re all exposed up there.”

“Rowan has that part covered,” Lorcan said, gesturing for the silver-haired man to take over.

Aelin pulled back, standing close enough that her arm brushed against his. Rowan cleared his throat and kept his eyes on the drawing. 

“I’ll be on the stage with you and Mrs. Galathynius. Fenrys and Connall will be on the other side, to cover your father. Lorcan, Fen, and Gavriel will be on the ground in front of the stage. We pulled the rest of the team to be dispersed in the crowd and to be on the wings of the stage. We have the place secured so there is only one entry point, where we’ll have local law enforcement scanning people through. No one should be able to get in with any weapons.”

She tapped a finger against her chin thoughtfully and leaned over the table again. Rowan anticipated it and took an imperceptible step back, just as she knew he would. She slid in front of him, brushing her backside against the seat of his pants as she moved to where some more plans were. She stopped in front of him, putting her ass on display for him as she pointed out another plan and began talking to Lorcan about the specificities of it. 

For the next hour, she played the game with him, innocent touches and careless brushes against each other. When her father was satisfied that everything was ready to go, he dismissed everyone. With a sly wink Aelin turned from Rowan, who had been watching her with hooded eyes, and sauntered out of the conference room. She felt his gaze scorch her back as she casually strolled through the halls. She flashed a flirty smile over her shoulder and made to lose him, turning a corner and slipping into a supply closet. 

As she heard his footsteps come closer, her hand shot out and grabbed the fabric of his shirt, yanking him into the dark closet with her, shutting the door. She pulled at the chain to illuminate them in a dim, orangey glow. 

Her hands were immediately in Rowan’s hair, her lips on his as he pressed her against the door, lifting her up and wrapping her legs around his waist. Their kisses were hot and fast, so at odds with the kisses they’d traded weeks ago in the cabin.

“Why do you insist on making it impossible to stay away from you?” Rowan growled, his knee spreading her legs apart. 

“Because—” she gasped out as Rowan’s hand just slipped up her skirt and into her panties, fingers entering her hard. She groaned as he began his assault, his mouth on her neck. “Because I don’t want you to stay away.” She hissed as his thumb pressed against her clit. 

He groaned against her neck, wasting no time bring her closer and closer to the edge as her hands managed to get him out of his shirt, her nails dragging across his chest and over his shoulders. She let out a curse when he abruptly stopped his ministrations, only to swear differently when she heard the clink of his belt and then felt the head of his cock slip between her folds.

He slid into her, and she clenched around him reflexively, both of them groaning as he began to move, his pace picking up, pinning her to the closet door as one hand gripped her thigh and the other grabbed and pulled at her ass. 

She would never get tired of this, of the feel of him, of the way his hands felt against her bare skin. He was being rough but she knew he would never hurt her, his mouth trailing soft kisses across her collarbone. She gripped the back of his neck, begging him to go faster and he swore in response, the speed of his thrusts picking up as he pounded into her. 

His thumb found that sensitive nub and began to stroke it torturously, her mouth coming down to bite his shoulder to stay quiet. Her teeth against his skin just seemed to fuel him, that damned finger moving faster and harder as he moved inside her. 

“Gods,” she choked out against his shoulder, her lips finding his neck before moving to his mouth, capturing his lips in a deep kiss. 

His hand came up to cup her face, kissing her back harder. She grabbed his hair, raking her hand through it as she felt herself near the edge of oblivion. She gasped out and let her head fall back against the door. 

“I love you,” she whispered as Rowan took her, her arms twining around his shoulders. “I love you so much,” she whispered again as she met his gaze, staring deep into those pools of green. 

“I love you,” he murmured, thrusting into hard enough to take her breath away. “To whatever end.”

His words set her off, and she dug her teeth into his neck again as she came undone around him, shuttering and fracturing as he quickly chased after her, burning her name across her skin as he pressed hard into her. They shook together, her hands unable to stop their roaming as she came down from her high. 

Rowan had just slipped out of her and placed her back on shaky feet when a knock sounded at the door, causing her to jump and start pulling herself together quickly. 

“Um, yeah, not to interrupt,” came Fenrys’s voice, sounding not at all sorry that he might be interrupting. “But we have things to do that don’t include you two doing each other. So if you could finish up…?”

Aelin looked to Rowan and she burst into laughter. 

-

Aelin was sitting on the stage next to her mother, trying her best not to tap her foot as she tried and failed to listen to her father’s speech. Being here, when it was so like what had happened three years ago, made her nauseous. Rowan had promised her that they would be okay, that every person in attendance had been vetted. But it didn’t stop her from taking in the crowd, wondering who could be a potential threat. 

This time was different though. They wouldn’t be walking through the crowd, wouldn’t be laughing and shaking hands. The Cadre and her parents had strongly agreed that mingling would be completely off the table. Her father was going to deliver a pretty speech, shake hands with Vice President Allsbrook and Senator Darrow and then wave to the people before departing. 

Still, she couldn’t shake the feeling that everything was going too smoothly. She felt tense and keyed up, expecting someone to come running on stage wielding a knife or expecting a shot to go off in the open stadium. 

A hand at her back had her jumping slightly. She looked up to see Rowan right behind her shoulder, giving her a small, comforting smile. His hand rubbed her back and he looked back up to the crowd with a stoic face. She sighed in relief, melting into his touch. 

She tuned back in time to hear Rhoe finish his speech, cheers exploding in the small stadium as people clapped and shouted for her father. A genuine smile painted her lips as she got out of her seat and clapped, her mother right beside her. She loved how much the people loved her dad, loved seeing how he loved them right back. 

Her father was waving, her mother having joined him at his side. Aelin took a step forward to join them as well when an exploding sound ricocheted throughout the building. A sound she knew all too well. Screams of horror replaced the cheers and she tried to take in what was happening, she tried to process that everything was going wrong again but she couldn’t as she saw Fenrys and Connall grab her parents, saw people stampeding to get out. 

Her hands wrapped around Rowan’s arms at the same time he grabbed her and her heart eased just a fraction. She was going to be safe, Rowan would get her out—

Another shot went off and she spun around to find the source as Rowan was dragging her towards the stairs of the stage, yelling at her, but she couldn’t hear, couldn’t make out what he was saying as her eyes zeroed in on the shooter. She’d never seen him before, never would’ve expected him, just a random everyday citizen—

Her breath left her, her lungs threatened to collapse as he levelled his gun in her direction. Her heart stopped, dropped to the floor as her eyes connected with his and she saw death in his eyes. Not hers, no. The gun was pointed at the man dragging her away, aimed right at his chest.

She spun back and threw herself in front of Rowan as a third and final shot rang out. A searing, blinding pain erupted in her lower abdomen and she thought she screamed as the impact sent her slamming into Rowan, sending them both sprawling onto the floor. Her ears rang, she could hear nothing but roaring silence as her eyes tried to focus, tried to orient herself in her surroundings. 

Green eyes filled her vision and she could see Rowan’s mouth moving, could see that he was yelling, could feel his hands on her body. His eyes were wild and terrified, and his hands were on her face. He was saying something to her and all of a sudden the roaring silence was gone and he was shouting, so many people were shouting and—

“Why did you do that why would you jump in front of me  _ how dare you _ —” Rowan was yelling, his hands pressed against her abdomen.

The pain was immense, almost on par with the feeling that knife had made across her back years ago. She could feel her blood leaking out of the wound, the sensation making her woozy. Her head fell back and she thought she might throw up but all she could do was continue gasping as Rowan held pressure to her stomach. 

“I— I’m so sorry,” she whispered, her hand, covering in crimson, coming up to cup his face. “I’m so sorry.” His eyes met hers and his face betrayed the situation. He was in a full panic, and she knew that whatever the damage was, it was bad. “I love you. I’m sorry.”

He was yelling as her world spun and went dark. 

  
  



	11. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AUTHOR'S NOTE: THIS IS THE LAST CHAPTER OF TPD AHHHH!!! Thank you guys for all the love you've given this fic, and I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. I love you guys xx.

Aelin stood at the edge of the pier, taking a deep breath as a cool breeze danced around her, ruffling her hair. The summer had come and gone, and she knew that autumn was quickly on its way. Still, the hot days decided to linger a little longer, and she was enjoying the breeze as she watched the sun set. 

She heard steps on the warped wood of the pier, the cadence of them familiar. She smiled when a pair of arms wrapped around her shoulders, closed her eyes when lips kissed the crown of her head. 

The months after her father’s last political event had been hard, to say the least. 

When Aelin had been shot, she was sure she wasn’t going to make it. When she woke up two days later, her eyes landing on Rowan who had been sleeping in a chair right next to her hospital bed, she’d immediately burst into tears. 

It turned out that Fenrys had gotten to the shooter in just enough time to throw off his aim, miraculously sending off a shot that managed to miss anything vital. Still, the bullet tore through her lower abdomen, damaging muscle and tissue and part of her intestine, and managed to lodge itself halfway into Rowan’s skin. They’d both been shot, but Aelin had taken that bullet for him. 

Extensive surgery had repaired Aelin’s insides and many stitches had repaired Rowan’s skin. Still, the bullet had left its mark both physically and mentally on both of them. Aelin had spent four months in intensive physical therapy to help rebuild what the bullet had broken. There had been moments, almost too many to count, during the recovery process that had been dark and bleak; without Rowan there with her every step of the way, she wasn’t sure she would’ve made it out. There’d been screams and tears and complete breakdowns, but Rowan was an immovable tether that kept her in the land of living. 

Besides the physical turmoil that wreaked havoc all those months ago, there had been emotional upheaval. The day after the rally, her father had announced he would no longer continue his campaign and endorsed Senator Darrow for president instead. In the months that would lead up to the new election, Rhoe Galathynius had given control over to Vice President Allsbrook, citing that his family needed him now more than ever. 

They’d found out that the person behind the attacks was none other than Maeve Hamel, Rhoe’s fiercest rival on the political front. Her and her husband Arobynn had always opposed Rhoe’s politics at every turn, demanding radical and anarchical change. She had thought by removing Aelin, Terrasen’s sweetheart, from the picture, it would destabilize not only Rhoe’s platform but the country as a whole; then, she would’ve swept in and took control. Instead, she and her husband and any other conspirators the police could catch were sitting behind bars awaiting a trial for treason.

So here they were. She and Rowan, along with her parents, had spent the past few months at their family’s lake house, a beautiful lodge-like cabin that sat on a massive lake with neighbors few and far between. She’d spent her time doing physical therapy, reconnecting with her parents, and sleeping in Rowan’s arms. 

A smile rested on her face and the arms around her squeezed her gently. “What are you thinking about?”

She tilted her head to look up at Rowan, her smile widening. “The day we had to tell my dad that you were seducing the president’s daughter.”

His nostrils flared and he flicked her nose playfully. 

The conversation had happened the day they’d gotten to the lake house. It had been such a small slip up; Rowan had been murmuring something to her in the kitchen and she’d reached up to cup his face, giving him a small kiss when Rhoe had walked through the swinging door. The look on his face had been nothing less than absolutely baffled. 

Then the yelling had started. Aelin had almost been afraid the moment would’ve given her father another heart attack. It was only after Rowan had reassured Rhoe many, many times that he loved Aelin with his whole life that her father had calmed down enough. Then he’d looked to Aelin, who iterated the same sentiment. The two loved each other, and that would have to be enough for Rhoe. 

“He likes you, you know,” Aelin told him, turning back to watch the sun dip below the horizon. “I heard him talking to my mom about how good you were for me.”

“I heard him say if you didn’t love me, he would’ve drowned me in the lake,” Rowan countered, his tone amused as he placed another kiss to her hair. 

She laughed and turned in his arms, facing him. “After everything we’ve been through, I don’t think even a drowning would keep us from each other.”

His face turned soft but serious as he gazed down at her, his hand coming up to stroke his thumb across her cheek. She could see the thoughts on his face and waited for him to speak. 

“I know we’ve talked about it, but I want you to know that I forgive you for jumping in front of me.”

She snorted. “You’re welcome, you know.”

A small smirk flitted across his lips before he turned serious again. “And for that, I’m forever grateful.” He leaned down to brush a barely-there kiss to her lips. “I also want you to know,” he said between soft kisses, “that if you ever do something like that again, I’ll kill you myself.”

She just grinned against his mouth before reeling him in to kiss him deeper. After a few moments they pulled away, Rowan resting his forehead against hers. 

“I love you,” she whispered, opening her eyes to see him already staring at her. 

“I love you,” he murmured back, taking her face in his hands. “ Even when this world is nothing but dust, I will love you. I’m sorry it took me so long to figure it out.”

She just shook her head, pulling him even closer. “I love you. To whatever end.”

He gave her that secret smile, the smile reserved only for her. “To whatever end.”

  
  



End file.
